Date Night

Hey, y'all --

Well, it's Friday, and Date Night! Even though my husband and I are married, we still have Date Night every Friday night --gives us an umph in our marriage, and gives us something special to do each week.

It's not always a big thing (we don't have a lot of money, after all) -- sometimes we go out to dinner, sometimes just to the mall to eat at the food court and watch the people (we love to people watch), sometimes drive to the mountains... as long as we get out of the house and do something. Well, not always out of the house. One of our favorite things to do is to "slumber party." We get some pillows and blankets, rent a movie and eat popcorn, right in our living room!

We started this a long time ago and are still doing it. We think it's one of the things that keeps us so close as a couple. Everyone else that we've told it to and has tried it has said the same thing.

Anyway, so it's Date Night, but that's not till later. In the meantime, I still have work to do, and a whole day to get through.

I've stopped taking the Chantix, and am feeling soooo much better! I was so scared I was going to go into a bipolar episode. You know, that's the second time I've taken Chantix, and the second time I've had the same symptoms. So now I'm feeling better and feeling like myself again. Hubby's real happy about it, too. He said it changed my whole personality, and definitely NOT for the better! All I know is, I went from being happy (like I am all the time now) to being depressed and irritable. So I know it was the Chantix. That's why I wrote that last post, to warn y'all.

Well, it's back to work for me!

I wish you happiness, stability, and a GREAT weekend (and for those who also do Date Night, a good Date Night, too!).

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Chantix and Bipolar Disorder

Hey, y'all --

I want to warn you - be very, very careful if you take Chantix. As a matter of fact, if there is any other way for you to quit smoking, DON'T TAKE CHANTIX IF YOU HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER!

This is coming from someone who has taken it twice. The first time was about a year ago, and it was directly before I ended up in the hospital for that manic episode. I didn't think the two were connected, because one of the side effects of Chantix is depression. But I have since read a blog where another woman said it also sent her into a really, really bad manic episode where she had to be hospitalized, too.

I did quit smoking, but I started again 6 months later. This was 6 months ago, and now I wanted to quit again (since I thought it was a fluke with the Chantix last time), so I asked my doctor for another prescription for Chantix.

About 5 days into the Chantix, I started getting depressed for no reason at all, no trigger. My personality started changing -- I was irritable, anxious, agitated, and often angry. Totally opposite my "normal" self.

Then starting the 6th day I thought I had a stomach bug. I started feeling really nauseous and wanting to vomit all the time. I couldn't eat for 2 days. I lived on ginger ale and crackers. I spent the days in bed or on the couch.

I didn't think it could be related to the Chantix, because the first time it gave me migraines, but I wasn't getting any this time. I finally took out the package insert anyway, and read it word for word. That was the big revelation, and why I'm writing this post to warn you.

The package insert says that the most frequent adverse reactions are: nausea, sleep disturbance, constipation, flatulence, and vomiting. (I had all those). The sleep disturbance they're talking about is that you have these crazy dreams.

The package insert also talks about adverse reactions directly related to psychiatric disorders, and I quote:

"Frequent: Anxiety, Depression, Emotional disorder, Irritability, Restlessness. Infrequent: Aggression, Agitation, Disorientation, Dissociation, Libido decreased, Mood swings, Thinking abnormal. Rare: Bradyphrenia, Euphoric mood, Hallucination, Psychotic disorder, Suicidal ideation.

How many of those symptoms are directly in proportion to symptoms of Bipolar Disorder??!!
And yet there is no warning NOT TO TAKE CHANTIX IF YOU HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER!!!

I called Pfizer, the drug company that makes Chantix, and spoke to their medical representative directly, and they were not exactly friendly. All they would say is that they did no clinical trials with subjects who had bipolar disorder. I told them that I did have bipolar disorder, that I had tried Chantix twice, and that I was telling them that both times it had exacerbated my bipolar symptoms -- and that I thought there should be a warning put on the pamphlet that says not to take it if you have bipolar disorder.

This man told me that there IS a warning! He says it ISN'T on the PATIENT package insert, however! It's only on the doctor and pharmacist insert. That if you have "it" (now, he didn't specify bipolar), you should be closely followed by a doctor if you take Chantix.

Well, I'm telling you, please learn from not only my experience, but the hundreds and hundreds of people who are posting on the Internet who have bipolar disorder of their bad experiences (some horrible, even suicidal) with Chantix-- and DON'T TAKE CHANTIX IF YOU HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER!

You know that I usually don't take such a hard stand on anything -- I just don't want to see you get hurt or go into a bipolar episode. One woman put it this way: "You are better off dying from smoking than taking Chantix." Now that's a strong statement.

If any of you have had any experiences with Chantix and your bipolar, please post back.

Remember that God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Doctor Accepts Bipolar Disorder

Hey, y'all --

I took my husband to the neurologist this morning because he has something wrong with his head called occipital neuralgia (try saying THAT 10 times fast!). He gets these headaches, like migraines but they aren't migraines (still, they're real painful), 2-3 times a week.

Well, the thing is, you know how when you go to a doctor you have to list all your medications? So Bill had to list all his, and of course they were all bipolar medications. So then the doctor knew he had BP.

Sometimes when doctors find out you have bipolar disorder, they treat you like you have the plague, do you know what I mean? I've had doctors that treat me that way. I mean, not my regular family doctor, of course, or my mental health professionals. But other doctors I've had to see for physical problems.

It's just part of the overall picture of society's stigma against mental illness in general and bipolar disorder in particular (I preach about this all the time). What people don't know about, they fear. So sometimes, they fear us. It just isn't fair that it seems like we have to be the ones to educate other people about our disorder.

But this morning, the doctor treated my husband with the utmost respect and dignity. You have no idea (well, you probably do) how refreshing that was.

Well, I just wanted you to know that. That there are some good doctors out there, so don't give up!

I wish you happiness and stability.

Remember God loves you and so do I!
Michele

Blessings of Stability

Hey, y'all --

Thank God our thunderstorms are over! For awhile there, we were getting them every day, with power outages and everything -- it was really frustrating, because I had to keep turning my computer off and on again.

But the sun is shining again, and I'm glad. I can see outside from my office window where my computer is, and since we live in the country, I can even hear the birds outside that window, which really makes me happy!

Ah, the blessings of stability! There was a time when I couldn't have seen the sunshine or listened to the birds outside my window, because I was isolated in bed, struck down with bipolar depression. It took a long time to get to where I am today. A lot of therapy, and a long time's worth of medication.

But it was all worth it. Today I appreciate what I have. Every day I go without an episode is a good day.

I wish you happiness and stability.

Remember God loves you and so do I!
Michele

Feeling Spiritual

Hey, y'all--

I've been working on writing my next devotional, and feeling very spiritual lately. Ya know, dealing with bipolar disorder on a daily basis, sometimes it feels like I've got control of it, and sometimes it feels like it's got control of me. But feeling spiritual, feeling close to God, feeling like He's right there in the fight with me, well, I feel like I've got more control than ever before. Like I'm not alone any more. Do you know what I mean?

It sure isn't easy living with bipolar disorder. But then, nobody ever said it would be. I used to have suicidal tendencies because of the disorder -- I was messed up spiritually, and I used to go to bed every night and cry out to God all right, but I used to pray that He would just let me die, because I just couldn't imagine living like this one day longer.

But that time passed. And because of God, I eventually wanted to live again. Now I have stability, and a wonderful life.

So I wanted to encourage those of you who are still struggling. The Bible says that "God is no respecter of persons." That means that what He's done for me, He can do for you, too. So hang in there -- it does get better.

Remember God loves you, and so do I!
Michele

Don't Take Ownership of Other Peoples' Problems

Hey y'all --

I had something happen to me recently that made me think of something I want to warn you about:

DON'T TAKE OWNERSHIP OF OTHER PEOPLES' PROBLEMS!

As people with bipolar disorder, we have enough problems just trying to manage our own disorder without taking ownership of other peoples' problems. Now, I'm not saying not to be compassionate when someone pours their heart out to you about their struggles, or cries on your shoulder, or just plain expects you to be their friend. Please, please don't get me wrong.

But there is a difference between listening to someone's problems and taking OWNERSHIP of them! Taking ownership of them means that they are dumping their problems onto you and you are receiving them, and then you're running into all kinds of problems, not only unneeded stress upon yourself, but issues like codependency and enabling. Then you're not only NOT helping them, but you're not doing yourself any good as well.

And you're certainly not doing your bipolar any good. You have enough stress to deal with. Let your friends and family share their problems with you. Even offer them advice if you have it. But DON'T play therapist, because you aren't one! And DON'T let them expect you to be! A therapist gets paid good money to let people dump their problems on them -- you don't! :)

And, for your own sake, DON'T TAKE OWNERSHIP OF OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS!

I had a woman do this to me recently, and I felt so sorry for her that when she cried, I cried. And I carried HER problems around with me all day! Later I found out that she felt so much better after dumping her problems on me that she went through the rest of her day as if she had a brick taken off her shoulder. Well sure -- she had placed that brick on MY shoulder!

But you know what? That wasn't HER fault, it was MINE! Because I did it willingly. That's when I realized I had made a big mistake. And that was when I wanted to warn you not to do what I had done.

I hope you don't repeat my experience. I hope you think long and hard about this post.

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Living in a Bipolar Bubble

Hey, y'all --

I was doing an interview with Dave the other day, and he asked a really good question:

He asked me if I thought if someone with bipolar disorder who lived in a glass bubble would still have BP symptoms and still need to take medication? (sounds kind of like the old "if a tree fell in the forest and there was no one around to hear it, would it still make a noise, doesn't it? :))

So I answered, "Yes." And here's why:

If you have bipolar disorder, and even if you lived in a glass bubble, away from the stresses of the world, with no problems, and even financially independent, happy, etc...

You would still have the chemical imbalance in your brain! And you know you would have this condition forever, because there is still no cure for the disorder, and those chemicals can still fire off at any time they choose, no matter how long you've been stable...

So even if you were to live in a glass bubble, with all the conditions I listed above... yes (in my humble opinion), you would still have to take medication, and you could still manifest the signs/symptoms of bipolar disorder!

Unfortunately, we still suffer from a lifelong illness. And, unfortunately, there is still no cure for it. So the only hope we have for long-term stability (recovery) is in the management and treatment of it. Which consists of medication and a good treatment plan (and a good support system).

Well, I hope you are enjoying long-term stability, glass bubble notwithstanding! :)

Remember God loves you and so do I!
Michele

Ready or Not...(Here I Come?)

Hey, y'all --

We were supposed to stay over Bill's mom's house tonight to have a yard sale tomorrow and Sat., but we decided not to do it -- for several reasons. The biggest one because we just aren't ready.

I spent 3 weeks tearing the house apart pulling things together for the yard sale, but there are still things I want to put into it -- but with just one day left (today), I still don't feel ready, and today both Bill and I have doctor's appointments, and I have some writing to do as well.

So in order to get everything done, I would have to push myself, and would be under alot of pressure.

The point is, that stress is one of the biggest triggers to a bipolar episode. And I want to remind you (as well as myself) of that, because it just isn't worth it. In this case it might sound trivial because, after all, here I'm just talking about a yard sale, but don't miss the point.

Whether it's just a yard sale, your entire family coming over for a big dinner, a huge presentation at work, or anything else you're just not ready for -- don't push yourself or take on added stress. It's just not worth it.

Take things slow, make sure you're ready for them when YOU'RE ready for them. Don't adhere to someone else's expectations of when something should be done. If it means asking for an extension on a project at work, then do it -- it's certainly NOT worth a bipolar episode.

Oh, and BTW? We're going to do the yard sale NEXT week! :)

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

BP is a disorder - it is NOT your life!

Hey, y'all --

I heard an expression recently: "Bipolar is a disorder - it is NOT your life!" And it so struck a chord with me, because for so many people when they first get diagnosed, it does seem that BP becomes their life. I remember when I was first diagnosed and the doctor gave me a brochure called "Living with Bipolar Disorder" (or something like that) -- which, if you want to know the truth -- actually left me with more questions than answers. I felt overwhelmed.

All of a sudden I wasn't ME anymore! I was now "a person with BP." I was a disease. A mental illness. A disorder. And that brochure was not only me, it was about to be my LIFE! According to this brochure, I now had to: 1) Go on medication (for the rest of my life), 2) Get a doctor (for blood tests to regulate these meds), 3) Get a psychiatrist (to prescribe these meds), 4) Get a therapist (to help me learn how to live with BP), 5) Find a supporter (a spouse? I wasn't even married! My parents? I lived alone! Friends? I'd long driven them away!), 6) Join a BP support group (so I could meet and share with other people like me).

That was years ago, and the overwhelming part is long over with. I did what the brochure said to do, because by the time I was diagnosed, I didn't have much of a life left anyway! At least not a "normal" one. I knew there was something wrong with me, and I was glad I finally had a name for it. I was especially glad they even had medication for it -- it proved I wasn't crazy! :)

And you know what else? I proved that saying at the beginning of this post. My bipolar disorder is just that to me -- a disorder. It's NOT my life! My life now is balanced by management of my BP, stability and serenity, peace of mind, a great job, a wonderful marriage (to a husband who also has BP so he understands me), reconciliation with my family, and everything in life I've ever wanted.

It's because bipolar disorder is only a PART of my life. It isn't my life.

I wish you the same stability and success.

Remember that God loves you and so do I,
Michele