On the Merry-Go-Round

Hey, y'all --

Remember when we were kids, how when we went on the merry-go-round, we'd grab which horse we thought would be the "fastest," or go the "highest" (what did we know, right?) :)

We thought the people who sat in the seats that didn't move weren't going to have as good a time as WE were, didn't we?

Well, lately I feel like I'm back on that merry-go-round again -- the bipolar merry-go-round, that is. I've been so up and down lately, I wonder when I'm going to meet myself in the middle! Now I envy those people in the seats that don't move.

It's not that I'm not stable, just that I've been very emotional lately. I just wonder what's up with that. I've ruled out several physical things, so I know it isn't "female-related," or anything, so I think it has to be related to my bipolar, and that bothers me more.

I hate not having control over my own brain. Know what I mean?

I always thought I had control over myself and my life (turns out I really never did). But I really hate this. I hate not having control over the chemical imbalance of bipolar disorder -- those cute little buggers they call synapses in my brain that can fire off at will and cause me to have mood swings just like that!

To top it off, I'm a rapid-cycler, so things can really be fun sometimes. Yeah, real fun.

Mood swings and bipolar disorder are like this (crossing fingers). They just go together. And usually I can be very cool about it all. Just accept it. But lately, with the merry-go-round going off in my head, I don't think so.

It's these times that I really hate this disorder. Don't get me wrong, I accept that I have BP. But I don't have to like it. That's nowhere in the rule book. Nobody ever said I had to like it. I just have to accept it.

So I have to manage it, in order to stay stable. And I do that.

So where are these conflicting emotions coming from, then? These ups and downs of late? I can even look back at my posts and see them manifested. I myself am confused by it, so I feel sorry for y'all! :)

But the point is, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, my work, my marriage, or my life in general! Nothing to point a finger at and blame for these mood swings!

Nothing that I can say is definitely responsible for this overwhelming feeling one minute so bad that I want to have a crying jag, and the next minute I want to scream my head off!

Have any of you ever felt like this?

I sure wish you'd tell me about it if you have. I'd hate to think I'm the only one.

Usually I just laugh it off. Humor is one of my greatest coping techniques. But it seems to be failing me the past couple of days.

Well, if anyone has any feedback, I'd sure like to hear it.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Bipolar Disorder Makes Us Stronger

Hey, y'all --

You know the expression, "Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger," right? Well, obviously, my bipolar disorder hasn't done me in yet, so as crazy as it sounds, I'm going to tell you that it's actually made me stronger.

In my morning reading, I found "pearls" that back up what I'm saying. Lines like:

"When I face a fear, I am given courage; when I support a brother or sister, my capacity to love myself is increased; when I accept pain as part of the growing experience of life, I realize a greater happiness; when I look at my dark side, I am brought into a new light..."

I can relate to the "dark side" part as the depressive side to my bipolar, but also as part of some of my manias as well. My manic brain, with its delusions, hallucinations, and paranoia at times, has taken me places I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go.

But I have survived every one of those experiences, and have emerged a stronger woman for it -- because every bipolar episode leaves me with an even stronger resolve not to let the "dragon" (my bipolar disorder) get the better of me.

This blog means so much to me. The chance to use my experiences, bad or good, up and down, to hep other people, offers a gratification like no other.

Again my morning's "pearls" ring true, as they say:

"Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worthwhile to us now."

Over the many years that I've been writing to you, I've shared much of my past openly and honestly -- the suicide attempts, institutionalizations, multiple marriages, substance abuse, etc. -- behaviors before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and became stable. (And many of you have shared the same openness and honesty with me, and I appreciate your trust in me.)

But now let me share the greatest "pearls" of all from my reading this morning, lest you mistakenly believe, as I did, that those were all "wasted years." Read these words with your heart:

"What a gift it is for me to realize that all those seemingly useless years were not wasted. The most degrading and humiliating experiences turn out to be the most powerful tools in helping others to recover. In knowing the depths of shame and despair, I can reach out with a loving and compassionate hand, and know that the grace of God is available to me...Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish..."

I hope these words touch you as much as they touched me.

For those who have followed my writings over all these years, I hope you will respond.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Put On A Happy Face

Hey, y'all --

I got a comment to my last post that absolutely floored me. It reminded me of the "happy face" mask that I seem to wear all the time, whether my bipolar is flaring up or not. That "normal" mask that tells the world that I'm just as ok as everyone else, despite the fact that I really do have a mental illness.

I mean, I know it's all right that I do (at least that's what I tell myself most of the time), but sometimes the stigma surrounding bipolar disorder still makes me want to wear my "happy face" and hide behind my "normal" mask.

I have accepted the accolades offered me by y'all, and the compliments I've received by others who know of my writing, and the thanks and gratitude expressed to me by people who've heard me speak at In Our Own Voice (NAMI) presentations... and I've soaked it all in, as undeserving as it all is, congratulating myself on my stability and sanity...

FORGETTING THAT I AM ALWAYS JUST ONE EPISODE AWAY FROM INSANITY!!!

I should say AGAIN. I should. I mean, I preach about not taking our stability for granted. Yet I find myself doing it anyway. I preach a lot of things I find myself convicted by. They say never to point your finger at anyone, because you'll find four fingers pointing right back at yourself!

I'm not saying I'm better than anyone. I never meant to say that, and if anyone ever took it that way, my humble apologies. My intro says that I'll share the ups AND downs of living with bipolar disorder. Well, it ain't all sugar, folks, as you well know if you have the disorder! We have our good days, and we have our not-so-good days.

A friend of mine is really struggling right now with grief and depression. I feel so badly for him, yet I can't do anything but be a friend to him. I want to yell at the doctors and say, "Give him better medication!" Iwant to scream at his psychiatrist, "You need to do a better job!" I want to say to his therapist, "If you were saying the right things to him, he would be better!"

Yet none of these things are right. And none of them would help my friend, either. He has to face his own dragons, as we all do. All I can do is be his friend, give him a shoulder to cry on, offer my support. And tell him I've been where he's at.

It doesn't matter whether you call it depression, bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, OCD, PTSD (or any of the other initials), or whatever. It is still a mental illness. In that we are all the same. And we all struggle the same. Your illness is no worse than mine, and mine no worse than yours. They just manifest differently, have different symptoms.

And some of us cope better than others. Or maybe we just wear our masks better. Maybe my "happy face" has been in place for so long that I wouldn't let you know I was hurting inside even if you did ask me. Maybe I've been writing about the "ups" for so long that I've forgotten about the "downs," because I don't want you to focus on them. I want everything about bipolar to be so nicey-nicey for you.

Goodenough wrote on my blog yesterday:
"My story is no more impressive or important than any one else who lives with the ravages of mental illness and tries like hell to get out of bed. I am one episode away from relapse. I am one med failure away from psychosis. I am one stigmatizing word away from depression and despair."

How I was dumbstruck by those words - how true they rang! I wish I had said that. Because it is so true. Behind my mask, I say those words to you. I am not perfect, not even close. Today I have some semblence of stability. I have learned to take one day at a time, because with mental illness, you never know what tomorrow will bring. Don't get me wrong, please, I'm not being dramatic, and I'm not being negative. I'm just being realistic.

Recovery is a process. An ongoing process. It doesn't happen overnight. It takes time. It takes the rest of your life. You may be at one point on the timeline, and I might be at another. I may be at one point of the timeline today, and at an entirely different point tomorrow, on unsure footing, I don't know.

Here's the rest of what Goodenough said in her comments:
"Does that mean that no one should strive toward recovery? OF COURSE NOT! It just means that recovery is not linear. It isn't climbing a ladder or Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs toward ultimate self-actualization. It is 2 steps forward, 10 steps back. It is scratching, clawing, digging in and getting a hand up. It might not be pretty along the way. For most, there won't be a parade or party or even a casserole given in honor of their recovery. But recovery is recovering quality of life. And that smells beautiful."

Today I am in recovery from bipolar disorder. And if you're here, so are you. So let's take off our "happy face" masks, and be real about it. We have a mental illness. We are NOT mentally ill. We are not sick. We have a chemical imbalance, that's all. Other people have physical illnesses (like asthma or diabetes), and they don't have to wear masks, afraid they won't "fit in." So do we -- only it's not in our bodies, it's in our brains. Why should we have to wear a mask, either? Why should we have to be "different?"

We don't. Not if we don't make ourselves different. We can be real. At least with ourselves. At least here, where we have the freedom to express ourselves. Until the rest of the world catches up, that is. And they will, because I (among others) am going to put a face on mental illness. I want them to see that we are just like them, their family member, their child, their parent.

It gets tiring to wear a mask that keeps the world at bay. I'd rather be myself, for better or for worse. Even though I have an incurable disease, part of my acceptance of that disease is learning to like myself for who I am in spite of the disease.

Do you agree or not?

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Isolation and Bipolar Disorder

Hey, y'all --

I have known for a long time that isolation can be a trigger to a bipolar episode; however, I didn't realize how slowly isolation can creep up on you, whether you have bipolar or not.

I truly enjoy working from home, don't get me wrong. I love it, in fact -- flexible hours, working in the comfort and peace of my home, my husband being close by, and getting to work in my PJs! :)

I never thought of it in terms of being lonely, because I'm not that. But I am isolated -- I live out in the country (and I love it, the peace and quiet), and what neighbors there are, are very quiet as well. Actually, none of us even know each other -- it's not the type of place where you borrow a cup of sugar or anything like that. We're all pretty reserved and stick to ourselves.

And I don't really go out, except for doctor and therapist appointments, or to the store and, of course, for Date Night with hubby on Fridays (just so I can't be accused of being agoraphobic).

But isolated? Yeah, I guess so. I hadn't thought of it that way. I really don't have a social life (alot of it is because I don't go out to bars). I really hadn't cared about it until I thought of this post. And I was convicted by my own words, since I've written so much (so many articles) about how isolation is one of the biggest triggers to a bipolar episode.

I was always ok with being isolated. I was ok with not having friends. I'm married to my best friend, and I thought that was enough. I have a strong support network (I talk to my AA sponsor and my mom every day).

But I don't have any friends. Thought I didn't need them. And yet in my articles, I tell people that in order not to become isolated, they need to have a social life in order to stay balanced and be stable with their bipolar disorder. I tell them that they need to have a social life in order to manage their bipolar disorder.

And yet here I am, convicted by my own words.

I met someone in NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), who told me I should get on Facebook.com, and I would meet some friends. I did! Online, granted, but friends, nonetheless. People I knew (out there) that I hadn't talked to in quite a while, and we caught up on things.

That led my curiosity to classmates.com, where I was able to get in touch with several people I knew not only from High School, but Jr. High School, and even Elementary School! What fun it turned out to be!

Now, I don't feel so isolated. I actually have friends. And my little "home" world doesn't seem so "off by itself" any more. When I take my breaks from work (or my husband is watching the race -- like yesterday -- or his wrestling :)), I can spend a little time chatting with my friends.

For those of you like me, whose bipolar disorder has affected your social life -- even if you don't go out much, there are other avenues to avoiding isolation. Getting online can help, as it did me.

The point is, isolation CAN be a trigger to a bipolar episode, and we need to avoid that, as we do all other triggers to episodes.

If you have other ideas, let me know.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Don't Take Stability For Granted

Hey, y'all --

The other day I gave a talk for the NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illnesss) In Our Own Voice program at a day drop-in center for people who were mostly homeless or in a group home for people with mental illnesses, and boy, was I humbled. I guess I had gotten to the place where I took my stability for granted.

I remembered when I wasn't stable -- when I used alcohol and drugs to medicate my bipolar symptoms. When I was homeless and living in my car. When I had to live in a halfway house. When I had pushed my family so far away from me, lost all their respect for me, when I think they had given up hope for me to the point that when my sister killed herself because she went off her bipolar medications and we got the call about her, my mom said, "We always expected the call about you, Michele, but never about her."

That was a real wake-up call for me, and I got some help. I've been stable since. I do the things that I need to do to stay stable today. I take my medications daily, see my psychiatrist bimonthly, see my therapist weekly, and do all I can on my own part to manage my bipolar disorder -- eat right, get the right amount of sleep, keep to a routine, use good coping techniques, etc.

Now, that doesn't mean that there aren't breakthrough depressions or bouts of mania, or even an episode once in awhile, but I handle those the right way when they do crop up. To believe that we're never going to have another bipolar episode just isn't realistic.

My mom had one after 12 yrs, and it lasted 6 months! But I think that's because she didn't want to go into the hospital. My last one only lasted a week, because I went into a very good hospital, where they treated me right, and I was ok. I haven't had an episode since. But I keep a daily mood chart online (you can, too, at www.moodchart.org) which helps me to notice if I'm falling into a pattern, and keeps me from going into an episode.

If I see, through the mood chart, that I have too many depressed or manic days in a row, I call my psychiatrist and report it. It usually just means a "tweak" in my medications, and I avoid the full-blown episode. That works very well for me.

But anyway, back to the IOOV presentation. All I did was tell my story, from "Dark Days" to recovery. Going back to my darkest days, from before I was diagnosed, was hard. But looking out at the faces of the people I was talking to, I could tell that they could relate.

I remember when people would look at me like I was some kind of trash, to be kicked to the curb like I was nothing. I just wanted to be "normal." I wanted people to see me for who I am (only I didn't even know who I was at the time).

It's important for me these days, when I give these talks and through my writing for www.bipolarcentral.com to tell people that we are NOT our diagnosis! In other words, it's not "I AM bipolar," but "I HAVE bipolar disorder." That means that there is a difference between who I am and what I have -- that there is a ME inside here! That the bipolar hasn't taken me over --that I control IT instead of it controlling ME! It took me a very long time to understand that.

And that's one of the main points that I make. It's like you don't say, "I AM diabetes," you say, "I HAVE diabetes." Or try it with asthma, or cancer. You don't identify yourself with what you have. You are still who you are despite your disorder or illness! I am NOT mental illness! I HAVE mental illness (several, if you want to be technical about it :))

Another thing I found out on the streets is that I AM NOT ALONE! The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) says that 1 in 17 people have a diagnosable mental illness, and I have seen statistics as high as 1 in 4! I never knew that before, and from early childhood, I kept this secret that I knew there was something really bad wrong with me, I just didn't know what it was (but I thought I was crazy, for sure). And there wasn't anyone I could tell my secret to, because I was afraid they'd lock me up and throw away the key.

Today, there is still stigma surrounding mental illness, so alot of people are afraid to tell people that they have it. So there are still people on the streets, in these homeless shelters and day centers, group homes and other places, not going for treatment. Or using drugs and alcohol to mask their symptoms, like I did, to feel "normal," when all they need is help. All they need to do is to reach out and ask for that help, but too many are still too scared.

So the next time you see a homeless person, think about the fact that maybe they are one of those people who have an undiagnosed mental illness. That maybe they have bipolar disorder like you do, but just haven't gotten treatment.

And never take your stability for granted. Remember what it took for you to get here.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Coping Techniques for Bipolar Disorder

Hey, y'all --

Well, today I have a lot of work to do, so of course the stress is standin'-a-knockin'at my bipolar front door. Will or will I not answer? Ah, that is the question. So I have to pull out my "bipolar toolbox" of coping techniques for stress, and do my best to ward off the evil stress-demon!

I have this stress-sigh. I don't know where I picked it up. Nobody taught it to me, it just started happening to me one day, when I was under a lot of pressure. It's this really deep sigh. I take this big breath (usually shaky, from all the nervousness), as deep as I can, then I blow it all out. Sometimes it takes a bunch of these till I feel calm again, but it helps.

I've heard of other techniques where they tell you to do this breathing exercise when you're stressed: You take a deep breath in through pursed lips (closing your eyes helps during this exercise), to the count of 5, hold your breath for a count of 5, then let out the air through your pursed lips for a count of 5. You repeat this 5 times. I've done this one many times, and it works! The reason it's easy for me to remember is because it's all 5's. I know that might sound strange, but it's true. The easier the better for me. (I'm a simple person, after all.)

They have all these relaxation techniques these days, from simple to hard. I think I've tried practically all of them, from the easiest to the one where you turn yourself into a body pretzel! :)

Dr. Louis P. Bauer has a website online at www.goodtapes.com that I highly recommend for relaxation and meditation tapes. There are two of my articles (if you scroll down the homepage) on his site, and I have every one of his tapes (this was before CDs), and have used them for my bipolar disorder, when I couldn't turn off the racing thoughts. Also for stress, when I couldn't calm my body down. I'm telling you, these tapes/CDs work!

One thing I liked about them, that you can do without them (I have), is to lay down in a dark room on your bed with your eyes closed. Start with your toes, and picture them relaxing. Then slowly move up every part of your body (with the emphasis on slowly), until your whole body is relaxed. Stay that way as long as you need to, until the stress is completely gone. If it's easier for you, you can do it the opposite way, starting with the top of your head. I've done it that way, too, and it's worked just as good.

Another coping technique that goes along with that is to do the same thing as far as the dark room, bed, and closed eyes... but this time you picture yourself somewhere else. Somewhere where you feel safe and comfortable. Somewhere peaceful. All the while you picture yourself there, you're relaxed and deep breathing (choose any of the exercises that work for you). Picture yourself doing anything that makes you happy and stress-free. I like the beach, because the sound of the waves is very soothing. But you are in control of this exercise, and you can do it whatever way is good for you.

One technique that really works for me is to put on MY music. Notice I put "my" in capital letters. That's because I believe everyone has a MY music! I like all kinds of music (except opera), and a long time ago, I had my son make up a CD with all my favorite songs on it. I like to listen to that. Otherwise, what music I listen to has to do with what mood I'm in. When I'm really stressed, I put on one of my meditation CDs -- like ocean waves splashing in the background, or birds, or "sunrise," flutes, or guitars playing -- just real soothing music, or classical music or soft jazz (I love Kenny G for this).

A technique I use for racing thoughts that just won't shut off when I'm trying to go to sleep (don't laugh at this one before you try it) is: I picture a white greaseboard (although a blackboard would work just as well if you don't know what a greaseboard is). And every time a thought goes through my head, it goes on that board. Then I erase it. I keep doing that until they're gone, and I've tired myself out. At first they come fast and furious, but eventually they come slower, and then slower, and then I'm just so exhausted... well, you get the idea.

Since I have a wonderful supporter (my husband, who also has bipolar, and knows how I feel), I can talk to him about how stressed I am, and no matter how long it takes, he listens. Sometimes he has to listen for a long time, too, because I can get pretty stressed!

I can also write it out. I keep a journal, and even though it may come out in a jumble, whatever is stressing me out can go in there.

Then... if everything else fails... well, this is like admitting defeat, but I have to do it. And it is a part of my "bipolar toolbox" (and there for a reason). I have anti-anxiety medication, prescribed by my psychiatrist that I'll take if none of the above techniques works to bring down my stress levels.

But do you know what? Remember the journal technique I just wrote about? I guess blogging is kind of the same thing, because the stress I was talking about at the beginning of this post is gone, and I'm ready to go to work!

Hey, thanks for listening, and I hope some of these techniques work for you and your stress, because no stress is worth a bipolar episode.

What about you? Have you tried any other techniques that have worked on your stress and/or have helped you cope with your bipolar disorder?

If so, I'd really like to hear about them.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Bipolar Depression Because of Dropping Medication

Hey, y'all --

Well, I spent one truly depressed day yesterday, due to dropping a bipolar med. Don't worry, I discussed it with my psychiatrist first. Today, I feel the same, so that's how I know it's the medication, and not the bipolar (going into a bipolar depressive episode) or me myself (just being in a bad mood) or just having a funky day.

That's what I wanted to talk about today.

You know how I'm always talking about NEVER going off your medications without talking it over with your doctor or psychiatrist first, right? Well, I did talk about this first with my psych.

I'm on alot of bipolar meds, and sometimes it gets to me. I wish I could take one magic pill and I'd be stable with my bipolar (but don't we all! :)) Usually, I'm ok with it, because my "sanity cocktail" works for me, and it took a long time to get the combination of meds I'm on now, and the stability I so cherish. It's just that sometimes, I look at all the bottles and think about how many I'm taking, and wish for that one magic pill, you know?

Oh, well, I have to deal with reality. And the reality is, I do have to take all those pills to remain stable. And, as I always say, I'll do whatever it takes to stay stable -- I fought too hard to get here.

Well, anyway, I was telling my psych about all this, and we talked about which of my meds we could drop, if any. And he said that, if I wanted, we could drop this one, "on a trial basis," and see how I do. I should say, emphasis on "and see how I do." Because, apparently, I'm not doing very well off this medication.

For a few days, I was doing pretty well. Actually, very well, since I didn't notice any difference. But some medications stay in your system, at a certain level in your bloodstream, for 24-36 hours, some even more. This one, I guess, stayed the 36 hours. Then, the depression set in yesterday, and is there again today.

I'm on mood stabilizers, but this one is specifically for depression only, and combined real well with them. We thought I'd do ok without it. At least "on a trial basis." We also talked about only going down to 1/2 a pill. My point was, if I only go down to 1/2 a pill, I'm still taking the pill, which defeats the whole purpose -- I still have to take a pill! :)

Ok, so here's the point (points):

Point #1: I already knew not to mess with my meds without talking to my psychiatrist about it first. Now, I have a great psych, who lets me be a part of my own treatment (as all good docs should). He left the decision up to me.

Point #2: He said we'd do it on a "trial basis."

Point #3: We had a Plan B (go to 1/2 pill instead of a whole pill). We even had a Plan C (I could go back to a whole pill if the 1/2 pill didn't cut it).

Point #4: I noted my signs and symptoms. One time, or one day of depression, does not a bipolar episode make. Even people without bipolar disorder get depressed from time to time. You can't judge by a single time. But today I have the same symptoms. (I could give it another day to just make sure, but two days is enough for me, thank you very much!)

But tonight I'm going back on that med. I appreciate my psych letting it be my decision, I really do. And I know it's my body. It's also my bipolar disorder, and I've learned to manage it well. Part of that management has been learning how to manage my bipolar meds -- so this is all part of that. I did the right thing -- I talked to my psych first, we worked out a plan, and I followed that plan.

But it's not worth the depression. I HATE being depressed, don't you? Like the world drops out from under you? I much prefer stability, where maybe there isn't that "high high" excitement from a bipolar mania, but there isn't that "low low" from a bipolar depression, either. I like being "normal," somewhere in between.

I wish I didn't need medication, don't you? But if it helps us stay stable, isn't it worth it?

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Can You Catch Bipolar Disorder?

Hey, y'all --

I hope you're doing well and stable today. It's snowing like crazy here, but the pretty kind. Of course, I'm not out on the roads, either! Me and my bipolar are inside my cozy little house, being nice and mellow today, thank you very much!

Did you see the title of this post? Do you believe some people really believe that you can catch bipolar disorder like you can catch the common cold? It's true. There have been times that I've told people that I have bipolar, and they've actually backed away from me. Like they were frightened, ya know?

Other people have told me the same thing. They have even told me that they've been asked, "Is it contagious?" (don't laugh, the person asking it was absolutely serious) or, "Can someone else catch it from you?" (again, the person was serious).

It's not that I'm making light of this. In fact, I'm doing the opposite. This scares me. Because it goes to show how people still don't know enough about bipolar disorder not to be afraid of it (and us who have it).

Maybe it's our fault. Maybe we're not educating enough people about the disorder. Maybe we're the ones who are afraid. Are we keeping our mouths shut, afraid to tell others we have bipolar disorder, afraid of what they'd think of us if they knew?

I'm not saying I'm a shining example. I am absolutely not perfect (as those of you who follow this blog truly know). In fact, I'm probably crazy for doing what I do! :) But I talk about bipolar disorder everywhere I go. And, almost always, I get a positive response.

Usually, the response I get is either that the person has it (you'd be surprised how many people do), they have someone in their family who does, or they know someone who does. Then we stop and talk about it. (They usually ask me a LOT of questions!)

I'm not afraid to be so transparent, because I believe (and this is only my personal belief) that more people need to be informed about mental illness in general, and bipolar disorder in specific. I also talk about my sister, because so many people have lost a loved one to suicide, and they are still so lost, so much in grief, and they just don't understand how bipolar disorder could have taken the life of their loved one (like it did my sister).

If we don't teach people about bipolar disorder, who is going to? With the economy the way it is, one of the first things being cut is grants for mental illness. So who's going to educate the people? Who's going to tell a family member why their loved one is acting the way they do? Who's going to tell your friends and family why you act the way you do if you don't?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to preach. Telling someone that you have bipolar disorder is a personal decision. I feel strongly about that. So I'm not telling you what to do. I know that some people have really gotten hurt when they told people.

But I also feel strongly that we need to put a face on mental illness. People need to see that just because we have bipolar disorder, doesn't mean that we're crazy with a capital C. They need to see that we can be highly functional people, creative, productive, successful, happy, and stable (with a capital S :))

WE have to put a face on bipolar disorder, because nobody else is going to!

Do you agree or disagree with me on this?

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele