Good Bipolar Days and Bad Bipolar Days

Hey, y'all --

First of all, notice I have a new picture on my blog -- it includes hubby, so you can see what he looks like now! :)

So, let's talk about good BP days and bad BP days. I feel like I've been a yo-yo lately.

I wrote you that my son was going into the Marines. I was so proud of him -- I thought he was finally going to get some direction to his life. Well, now he's decided he's not going to. He got out of it with a general discharge, because he never signed his final papers.

So now he's going to move to Buffalo, NY with his older brother. But he's got to stay with us for the next 3 weeks. More turmoil. More drama. I was hoping, finally, for less stress and more peace.

I'm still trying to support him unconditionally, cuz I'm the mom, and that's my job. But it's hard with an 18-yr-old, ya know?

Oh well, it's only 3 weeks, right? Yeah, right. That's why I've been feeling like a yo-yo. Bad days and good days. Some nights I'm still so stressed from the day it's hard to sleep at night.

But it always circles back around and things get better again.

So, like I always tell you, I have to follow my own advice and hang in there and never give up.

I hope y'all are doing ok? Let me know.

Special note to Melissa -- I hope things are going better for you.

I wish you peace and stability.

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Hubby Had Bad BP Day

Hey, y'all --

Yesterday my husband had a "bad bipolar day." It was rough for me as well, because sometimes I get so caught up in my own disorder that I forget that I'm also a supporter to him.

He was depressed, but angry, but not at anyone or anything. Agitated, irritable, etc. All BP symptoms.

I felt so helpless -- I just didn't know what to do, except be supportive and hope that it passed.

It did. Today he's much better. But boy, was it scary. It always is, when you're faced with a potential bipolar episode.

Ya know, I really hate bipolar disorder. I mean, really hate it. It so messes with your life. Things could be going along so good, then BOOM, there it is again.

Like yesterday, here comes this bad bipolar day out of nowhere. When just the day before we had gone to Cherokee, NC, (not far from us, since we live in the foothills of the Smoky Mts), and had a wonderful time, just being together, and enjoying the mountains and watching the tourists, etc.

Then the very next day, BP comes along and reminds us that it's still there. Know what I mean?

Well, at least I'm glad today's a little bit better. I'm still watching him, though. He's at the store now, so at least he got up and out of bed, and even out of the house, some type of productivity. We'll see...

Anyway, I wish you peace and stability.

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

I Am SO Excited - 2 New BP Devotionals SOON!!

Hey, ya'll --

I am SO excited! I have just finished writing the third BP devotional, so they'll be ready to be sold on bipolarcentral.com REAL soon!!! (the 2nd and 3rd -- the 1st one is already available).

Writing the devotionals is my most favorite form of writing -- combining writing about bipolar disorder and about the Lord... I just go into my own private world, and am so happy! I just can't wait till they come out and you can read them, too!

Other than that, things are going well in my own personal life as well. We got a new (used) car which will only use half the gas our jeep did (YES!), so we won't be going broke any more, so I'm really grateful for that.

I got a new printer, and my (Marine) son, the computer genius, put it together for me yesterday. This isn't any ole printer, mind you. I think this thing comes with a mind of its own, truly! I never could have done what Tyler did. And even he took an hour to do it (well, of course, he never has to use instructions, either). This thing is so complicated, but it does everything -- not just print, but fax, copy, scan, etc. And prints 7,000 pages! Y'all, I am in printer heaven!

So, all in all, especially compared to my last post, I am doing so much better. It's funny how things can change from day to day, isn't it? Well, I guess not so funny/strange when you've got bipolar disorder. We deal with this all the time, don't we?

I'm just glad today is a better day. Thank God for that. I hope y'all are having good days, too.

Come on, it's too quiet out there! Where is everyone? How are you doing? I hope you're ok?

I wish you peace and stability.

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

What Do You Do?

Hey, y'all --

What do you do when you're depressed and there's no reason for it?

I guess I could blame it on my son's going off to the Marines -- he is my baby after all. Maybe I'm in denial of the Empty Nest Syndrome. I'm sure that's what people would say. He wasn't supposed to ship out until October, but now they're shipping him out Aug. 18th.

But with the way he's been acting lately, he couldn't leave soon enough for me. I mean, I know that sounds terrible for a mother to say, and maybe it's his BP acting up... but he just treats me with such a lack of respect, and upsets me and hurts me so much with his words and actions, that half the time I run off crying to my room. Great behavior for a stable BP'er, right? And here I am supposed to be giving y'all advice...

So today here I am depressed about it. Oh, not a bipolar depression or anything, just an ole everyday depression.

My husband is being great about it. He is so wonderful, and so supportive. He even got me a card and everything! Isn't that romantic? He is trying so hard to get me out of this funk.

I'm just trying to get out of it by working hard and not thinking about things. But I know my therapist would probably say that's the wrong thing to do, because I'm just avoiding it all, and the same problems will be there when I'm done working (hey--I should be my own shrink).

Have any of you ever felt this way?

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

My Son Enlisted in the Marines

Hey, y'all --

Guess what? My son enlisted in the Marines! This is my baby -- my 18-yr-old. And no, I won't go thru the "Empty Nest Syndrome," I've still got my dog. But I am SO proud of my son!

He's been so lost, looking for direction. The thing that bugs me though is that his supposed friends have just turned on him, ya know? I mean, a true friend might not agree with your decision, but they would still support you. He's just finding that out, and I hurt for him.

He just enlisted yesterday, and signing the papers as I write. So of course I'm worried about him. Can't help it -- I'm the Mom, it's my job! I know I shouldn't worry -- all I can pray is that God's will be done.

This is the son who was diagnosed with BP when he was 12 yrs old, but hasn't had an episode for so many yrs I stopped counting. Did you know they don't ask you that when they recruit you? They only ask about depression, which he hasn't had. And he's been off medication since he was 14 (but that's ok, I'm on enough meds for both of us), which I guess is ok for him... he believes he was misdiagnosed. I don't know, maybe he's right. ADHD can be misdiagnosed as BP when you're that age, and since he hasn't had the depression, maybe he is right.

All I know is, I'm very very proud of him. I think he did the right thing. And I'm especially proud that it was his decision. I mean, he did it in spite of his friends being so against it and everything!

Anyway, as far as me, other than being worried about my son and how everything is going at the recruiting station, I'm doing ok. I'm off the Chantix, avoided the episode it was about to cause, and feeling great! My doctor upped my Lamictal, so I think that's why I'm feeling so good.

Well, I better go. Got a whole newsletter to write. Hope you enjoy it!

I wish you peace and stability.

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Each Day is a New Day

Hey, y'all --

There are good days, and there are bad days, but each day is a new day.

I hate to sound so cliche, but it's true. With bipolar disorder, if you have more than a few bad days in a row, you can be afraid you're going into an episode. But if you have a good attitude, like I'm talking about, and you take it one day at a time, thinking "Each day is a new day," you may not have to go into that episode.

Keeping a positive attitude isn't always easy, believe me. I've had a migraine for 3 days in a row. Definitely NOT happy about that one. But I refuse to have one today. I woke up this morning thinking, "Each day is a new day. I don't have to have a migraine today."

In other words, I'm not just spouting platitudes at you. If I am, I should say, I'm spouting them at myself as well.

Which isn't to say that they don't work. They do. Positive attitudes can be just as important as the medication that we take for our bipolar disorder.

And, as I said, each day is a new day. One day is all we really have anyway. Haven't you ever heard the expression, "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday?" :)

So smile, and make today a great day!

I wish you peace and stability.

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

Overthinking Yourself

Hey, y'all --

Have you ever found yourself "overthinking" yourself?

That's what I think I'm doing to myself today.

I think I'm depressed. No, I'm not depressed. I don't want to be depressed. Ok, if I'm not depressed, what am I? I'm tired. No, well, I got enough sleep, so I can't be tired. Well, if I'm not tired, what am I? Hmm... bored. Ok, I'm bored. Well, I should do something then. But there's nothing to do. I could do laundry, but the laundry's caught up. I'll watch TV. But there's never anything on TV I want to watch. Besides, that's being lazy.

See what I mean? Overthinking.

Next thing you know, you're feeling all anxious, because you've got all these racing thoughts running through your head fighting with each other for your attention! And then you've got to be careful, because racing thoughts can lead to a manic episode.

I think I'll just sit here and stare out my window at the birds in my yard...

And try not to think of anything at all. :)

I wish you health and stability.

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele