Don't Take Ownership of Other Peoples' Problems
Hey y'all --
I had something happen to me recently that made me think of something I want to warn you about:
DON'T TAKE OWNERSHIP OF OTHER PEOPLES' PROBLEMS!
As people with bipolar disorder, we have enough problems just trying to manage our own disorder without taking ownership of other peoples' problems. Now, I'm not saying not to be compassionate when someone pours their heart out to you about their struggles, or cries on your shoulder, or just plain expects you to be their friend. Please, please don't get me wrong.
But there is a difference between listening to someone's problems and taking OWNERSHIP of them! Taking ownership of them means that they are dumping their problems onto you and you are receiving them, and then you're running into all kinds of problems, not only unneeded stress upon yourself, but issues like codependency and enabling. Then you're not only NOT helping them, but you're not doing yourself any good as well.
And you're certainly not doing your bipolar any good. You have enough stress to deal with. Let your friends and family share their problems with you. Even offer them advice if you have it. But DON'T play therapist, because you aren't one! And DON'T let them expect you to be! A therapist gets paid good money to let people dump their problems on them -- you don't! :)
And, for your own sake, DON'T TAKE OWNERSHIP OF OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS!
I had a woman do this to me recently, and I felt so sorry for her that when she cried, I cried. And I carried HER problems around with me all day! Later I found out that she felt so much better after dumping her problems on me that she went through the rest of her day as if she had a brick taken off her shoulder. Well sure -- she had placed that brick on MY shoulder!
But you know what? That wasn't HER fault, it was MINE! Because I did it willingly. That's when I realized I had made a big mistake. And that was when I wanted to warn you not to do what I had done.
I hope you don't repeat my experience. I hope you think long and hard about this post.
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
posted by Michele @ 6:10 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I have this problem. I let my mom and one of my friends dump their problems on me. my friend seems to think I m a therapist and I tend to not answer the phone when she calls. My mom has moved away so now she has to deal with her own problems. At least it was suppose to work that way. I don't know how to stop and it plays havick on my BP which aint doing all that great at the moment.
Melissa --
I knew you could relate to this post. I hope you read the others, too. David has this disclaimer on his daily blog that I wish I could wear as a sign around my neck, where he states something like, "I am not a doctor, therapist, lawyer, financial advisor, or any other kind of professional..." because I know what you're talking about. Even tho your mom has moved away, be careful of those phone calls, or you'll fall right back into the old trap!
Remember that it's your OWN bipolar you need to be worried about. You've been doing good, and you need to stay that way!
I love hearing from you,
Michele
Michele,
Thank you for the encouragement. I really needed to hear that right now because I don't feel like I am doing good. I am trying so hard to learn all I can about bipolar so I can better handle it. I see my doc thursday and he will increase my abilify. He is doing a slow increase (every four weeks) because I have other medical conditions that have to be monitored. There are no support groups in my area so I signed up with DBSA to start one. I am hoping that I am not taking on to much but feel that people need a safe place to go and support each other on this journey. Wish me Luck. Again thank you so much for that encouragement.
I love your blog and love hearing what you have to say. Keep up the good work.
Melissa
Melissa --
DBSA is a good organization, but I too hope you're not taking on too much. Just watch your symptoms, and if it proves too much, remember that you have to take care of yourself FIRST, or else you're no good to anyone else.
It's good that your doc is taking you up slow with your meds. That's the way to go. I love my psych because he only works with me one med at a time, and we go slow too. He just increased my Abilify, too, to try to give me a little more energy -- it was kicking out a little too early. But he only increased it by 5 mg. He's a really good psych, and I like him a lot, cuz I really believe he has my best interest at heart. Sounds like yours does, too.
Hang in there, girl. You can do it!
Michele
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