Just Another Day in Paradise

Hey, y'all --

Well, even tho it isn't quite Paradise, at least I don't feel like the world is winning against me today, so that's one point for me. My plans are going ahead for a "cancelled Christmas" this year, and believe it or not, I've found alot of people who are doing the same thing! I was really surprised at the number of people this year who aren't putting up trees or decorating their houses or anything.

I went to an AA meeting, and that was pretty much the topic, and one person said, "It's all about God's Son's birthday." And that was that! You could've heard a pin drop in that room! But it sure brought the message home to me. I've been getting so stressed out trying to work out all these projects with Dave, trying to raise the money just to give my kids money this year for Christmas, and stressing myself out that way, which became just as stressful as giving them presents!

Well, I was reminded today that I can only do as much as I can do, and that's all. I can't afford to get stressed out, or I'm going to get a bipolar episode for Christmas this year! :)

I just have to remember what that man said at the AA meeting. Christmas isn't about how much money I give my kids, or about decorations, or any of that. It's God's Son's birthday. And that's it.

Remember that God loves you and so do I!
Michele

A Sad Day

Hey, y'all--

Well, tomorrow would've been my sister's birthday, so I'm a little sad today. I plan on buying one (just one) cupcake with a candle on it and put it in front of her picture and sing her happy birthday, like I did last year. I miss her so much, and it especially hurts this year because everything else feels so vacant. It feels like such an empty Christmas, like I've been blogging about.

I'm not sure which is worse -- sad or depressed. Or what the difference is, really. Does anyone know the answer to that? All I know is that both hurt my heart.

Part of it I know is because I'm all about family, if nothing else. And this year I won't have family for the holidays. Nobody wants to get together, my kids want to cancel Christmas, told me not to decorate, they're not buying presents, they're all broke, etc. They just don't seem to get the idea that it's not about presents at all -- I just want to SEE them for Christmas! That's the only gift I want. Today my youngest told me I won't be seeing my middle son and his girlfriend, like I was assuming. (See? That's my problem -- I assumed it). And my oldest never comes out on Christmas.

A good friend said she and her hubby are just going to relax and watch movies in front of the TV on Christmas. That sounds so peaceful to me, I think we're going to do the same thing. Not sad, just peaceful. Sad comes from my bipolar. Peace comes from my God.

Remember that God loves you and so do I!
Michele

A Little Christmas

Hey, y'all --

I got a very encouraging response to my last post from a friend, and she said, "A little Christmas goes a long way if it's the right kind." I got so much out of that, ya know?''

I went to see my therapist yesterday and talked about the same thing. Like I was feeling so depressed about this whole Christmas deal, and how I feel so ABnormal, so different from everyone else, who are all going in and out of the malls with bulging bags of gifts, and people decorating their houses to the max and all the Christmas shows on TV and all...

And here I am depressed, wanting to cancel Christmas because I don't have the money I had last year to go all out like I did (really, you should've seen it!)... and I just want to punch the next electric Rudolph on someone's lawn, I am so frustrated!

But I went back and read my last post on this blog, down to the part where I talked about my blessed simple life now, as opposed to the complicated life I used to have, and how I wouldn't trade it for anything. And ya know, that is so true. And right now, the putting up of the tree (to say nothing of the expense), the decorating, and all the other trappings of Christmas right now would do nothing but stress me out. And I really don't think that's the "right kind" of Christmas that my friend was talking about.

The "little bit of Christmas" I have this year is a very simple day, hopefully with my sons, if they're not off doing things with their girlfriend's families -- if not, just a quiet day at home with my husband. And remembering that Chrtistmas day is about the birth of Christ, my Savior -- not Santa Claus and presents and a tree.

Thank God for simplicity, or else I might be staring a bipolar episode in the face right now, and that sure wouldn't be worth it.

Remember that God loves you and so do I!
Michele