Just a Normal Day (What's NORMAL???)

Hey, y'all--

Well, today is just a normal day (what IS normal, anyway???). I remember reading somewhere (I think Erma Bombeck said it) that "NORMAL is just a setting on your dryer." I like that. Having BP and other mental disorders, it's been a long time since I've worried about trying to be normal. In fact, I have a keychain that says, "Why be normal, when I can just be ME?" That's more along the way I think now. Things are so much easier that way!

Ya know, my life used to be filled with crises. So when my life became stable, I sorta didn't know how to handle it, know what I mean? These days, a "normal" day like this is just fine with me. Because before, I would get depressed, just because I didn't know how to handle "normal." It just wasn't a part of my vocabulary! There was either crisis, or waiting for crisis. Suicide or thinking about suicide! No "normal," no "un-crisis." I just didn't know HOW to live a stable life. It just wasn't something I thought you could learn!

But ya know, stability IS something you can attain, at least, if not learn. It feels SO good to be stable today. I don't need excitement anymore. Just a nice, "normal" day like today is just fine with me, thank you very much! :)

Remember, God loves you and so do I!
Love, Michele

Date Night

Hey, y'all!

Well, it's "Date Night," so I'm excited about going out with my husband. It's just something we do every Friday night, to kind of keep the romance in our marriage. I love it, because we are still best friends, and Date Night is like I'm still going out with my best friend. It's kind of a challenge to find different things to do on a cheap budget (living on Disability), but...hey, he does get pretty creative! I wonder what he'll come up with tonight! How can he possibly beat chocolate and a rose on Valentine's Day, tho?

Well, whatever it is, I hope it'll bring me out of this funk I've been in for the last week. I've been afraid if I went any further down, I'd end up in an episode. Can't have that, can we? I do have a tendency to isolate when I get like this, and that's one of my triggers. It's just that sometimes I just kinda "hate the world," ya know? Nothing else really wrong, I just "hate the world!" It's not that the world has done anything wrong to me, or anything, just that I get in "that kind of mood"! Ah, but Bill (my husband) is the best husband in the world--I think because he has BP too, he is sooo understanding. He doesn't baby me, I don't mean that at all, but he understands when I feel that way, and he helps me NOT to go into an episode. Bill is so funny (which is one of the reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place)--and he pulls out his arsenal of FUN, and, well, to put it simply, he cracks me up! Enough of that, and I just forget why I hated the world to begin with!

So today is Date Night, and I've again forgotten why I hated the world, and I can't wait to see where we're going tonight. Of course, anywhere with Bill will be hilarious, like the time he took me to the mall the day before Christmas, and we sat at the food court watching all the crazy people trying to buy last-minute gifts! Talk about hilarious!

Well, I hope y'all have a good "Date Night" night too!
Remember, God loves you, and so do I!
Love, Michele

Happy Valentines Day!

Hey, y'all!

Well, it's Valentines Day, so I'm feeling happy! I love holidays--any of them! But what woman could be depressed on the CHOCOLATE HOLIDAY!!!

But today is especially memorable for me. I have been feeling so sick lately--just really, really exhausted, for about a month now. I have been carrying this big secret within me, too afraid to let it out to anyone, and it has affected my work, my emotions, and my BP (afraid I was also going into another episode, because not sure if I was simply tired or depressed or both).

Here's the thing--I was tested for Hepatitis-C. Real scary stuff. BUT...I found out yesterday that I DON'T HAVE HEP-C !!!!!! (Thank you Jesus, Thank you God) Whew! I had it about 3 years ago (I had been an IV drug abuser who also had 8 tattoos, in case you can't tell by my profile picture!), went through the Interferon and Rebetol treatments for 6 mo. It was horrible. Hair fell out, etc. On a good day, I was able to get from the bed to the couch, where I proceeded to watch Lifetime Movie Channel until I went back to bed for the night. I didn't die (obviously), but it sure felt like I would, and at times (because of the depression) I sure wanted to. Point is, NOT an experience I would want to repeat.

It took two whole weeks for me to get the results of this Hep-C test. Two weeks of waiting, wondering...of worry, of depression, of crying... afraid to tell anyone what was wrong. A secret I was afraid to share with anyone. And so, so tired as well. So on the one hand NOT having Hep-C is such good news, but the bad news is--then what IS wrong with me???

My doctor is now testing me for thyroid problems. Same symptoms, etc. Plus the fact that I have gained 25 pounds since October? Yeah, truly. And I eat like a bird, my husband says. Well, except for the chocolate. But even he says there's no way I have eaten 25 pounds worth of chocolate! (Isn't he a wonderful husband?). So now I am waiting for the results of the thyroid test today. And on Valentines Day, too. The chocolate holiday!!! How could I possibly be expected to "diet" on the chocolate holiday????? And be this nervous about awaiting test results?

Well, I have to go now. There is a box of chocolates calling my name. I will keep you posted on the thyroid test.

Remember, God loves you and so do I!
Love, Michele