Upcoming Autobiography - Watch for it

Hey, y'all --

Well, it's not even 2009 and time for New Year's resolutions, but I've already started mine. See, I had started writing my autobiography 5 years ago, but haven't touched it since -- I don't know, fear of failure, fear of success, that sort of thing.

But recently I was contacted by a publicist to review a book written by a man whose daughter has bipolar disorder (the book review will be posted on bipolarcentral.com the first week in Jan.), and I sent her an excerpt from the book, and she was very encouraging to me, so...

I am newly inspired to work on the book again. Scared? You bet! But since I went on that In Our Own Voice weekend, it's been important to me to put a face on mental illness, and I know this book could be important for that.

You see, I not only have bipolar disorder, but at one time I had multiple personality disorder as well. And this book has to do with that part of my life. Although it is resolved now, I think there are so many people who struggle with this disorder and have no voice, and I believe that if they read about someone else who had the same disorder and was able to overcome it, that it would give them hope. At least that's what's inspiring me to write it now.

I write this blog to help other people with bipolar disorder, like me. But I don't write about my other disorders (of which I have several). But usually, people who have BP have other disorders as well.

My first one appeared when I was 12, and I was sexually molested by an acquaintance of my father's. That was PTSD. Then at 16, I was diagnosed with chronic major depression (which I now know was only half the story and was most likely bipolar disorder, even at that age), then anxiety/panic disorder. At 19, schizophrenia, which later was amended to be schizoaffective disorder. I also have borderline personality disorder.

And, of course, the everpresent OCPD (which is different from OCD) -- Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. That's where I get my strive for perfectionism. But I'm still working that out in therapy.

None of us is perfect, least of all me. We all have our daily struggles, some worse than others. Bipolar disorder alone can be debilitating for some people -- for them, just getting through a day without losing it is almost a miracle. Some are grateful just for stability with their disorder.

But we are all survivors (thus my name, bipolar survivor). Every day we get through without an episode is by the grace of a loving God (and a lot of work on our part to maintain our stability). Never downplay the strength you have to be a survivor. Every difficult day you have, remind yourself of that fact. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR! You have gotten through worse days and survived them, and you will get through this day, too.

If you ever doubt it, look at me. I have/have had 10 mental illnesses. Some I still have, and some have been resolved. Every day is nothing less than a miracle for me. I am not the same person I was before. I am a survivor. I am an overcomer. I am a miracle.

I am who I am. I am who God made me to be. There have been times that I have questioned that if God loves me so much, then why hasn't he healed me of my mental illnesses? Do I not have enough faith? Am I not a good enough Christian? But now I understand that if I were healed, I wouldn't be able to encourage others with my faith and support like I can on this blog and the articles I write... and now with this book I'm going to write.

Some people are lucky enough to know their mission in life. I know mine. To pass along God's love and encouragement through my writing and teaching, to be a good example of how you can overcome life's adversity... of how you can take everything this life throws at you and still believe, still pick your head up each day and try again... and come out ahead in the end -- to survive. To better than just survive. To be a success at your own life.

There's a quote I keep taped to my computer: "When you stop making excuses, stop listening to the naysayers and stop fearing failure, only then can you start making your dreams come true."
(Meredith Maran).

Guess I should start writing that book, huh?

Wishing you peace and stability,

God loves you and so do I,
Michele