Tomorrow's Another Day

Hey, yall--

Well, it's been a couple days, and everything is status quo. Nothing new to report, really. Things on my end are pretty much still the same, which is pretty good for a BP.

On Mom's end, well, that's another story. She has Dad convinced she's just fine and is out of her episode, doesn't need to see anyone any more, meds are working fine, etc. I called down to FL to a place that will evaluate her and go from there. Not necessarily hospitalize her, but at least provide counseling services for free (she's paying $60/visit to her psych now, sometimes twice a week), therapy, other services she could use. They take Medicare, too, (her shrink doesn't), so even if she did need to go in, it would at least be paid for. It could even be voluntary--not necessarily involuntary. But she does need help -- she is NOT getting better. But of course, she has my father convinced that she is. So I got my dad on the phone and he told me how good she's doing and how he's so pleased with her progress and that going to the hospital is out of the question, etc. etc.

I told him what I had found out about the facility and everything, and that she is NOT ok, and he just said well, thank you for the information, but she's ok now. I told him, "She's just that way in front of you -- you have no idea what she does behind your back -- the money she's spending -- the things she says to me that she doesn't say to you--the way she REALLY is. Dad, she is NOT OK!" I got very emotional, and I think maybe, just maybe, because I started crying, which I would NEVER do, he may have believed me.

But change his mind? I don't know. I think he just wants to believe what every supporter wants to believe -- we believe for the best. We want to believe what we see in our hearts, not necessarily what is right in front of us. We don't want to believe the lying and manipulating and dishonesty and nastiness are for real. I know. I've lived with it. I'm not only a survivor, but a supporter as well -- my sister was the best at it -- she would lie right to your face and you would believe her! She would do the most unthinkable things, and you would only find out after the episode was over what the truth really was.

This is breaking my heart. They have been married for 50 years. And I think Dad just wants to believe the best -- so much so that it's blinding him to the truth. He's doing everything WRONG that a supporter should do. And he won't listen to anyone else. We lost my sister to this horrible disorder 2 yrs ago (she killed herself while in an episode). I don't want to lose my Mom too.

Anyway, thanks for letting me dump. As a supporter of a loved one with BP, there are very few places we have to go to talk to other people who understand how much we suffer; not just the one who has it. Please pray for my mom. Her name is Shirley.

Michele