Been a long time

Hey, y'all--
I know it's been a long time since I've posted. I've been going thru alot, the least of which is the worst episode I've ever had. Believe it or not, I found out the hard way that if you drink too much water, you can deplete your system of sodium, and if you do that, your mind becomes confused, and for us BP's, it can throw you into a manic episode, and that's exactly what happened to me. It was horrible. I've never been a self-mutilator, but my husband came home and found me scratching my arms till they were bleeding, and I didn't even know I was doing it!

Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital, in the Behavioral Unit. I was there for 2 weeks! I've never had an episode that lasted more than 1 week. But I'm still in this episode, now in the depressed end, and it's been like 6 weeks. I just can't believe what happened. They were going to discharge me after a week, but then found out I had also depleted my system of potassium, which caused my blood pressure to dive as low as 60/35, and I almost died.

I'm not suicidal at all, especially since my sister killed herself from this disorder. So I was pretty scared. Then I was constipated cuz of all the meds, so they gave me an enema, but left me alone after giving it to me, so when I felt the "urge," I went into the bathroom by myself, missed the toilet, slipped on the water on the floor, and bruised my tailbone (I'm still in constant pain, but refuse to take painkillers cuz I'm a recovering addict).

So...I finally got out, but I'm still a mess, going from manic to depressed. I'm functioning real well, but I have these moments...well, I seem to cry at the drop of a hat, and for no reason. Talk about being humbled. Here I am some type of "expert" on BP, just cuz I write for bipolarcentral.com and the newsletter and all, and because I've had BP for so long, and because I was stable for so many years.

Well, here's the lesson I learned. Stability can never be trusted. It's not IF you'll ever have another episode, but WHEN. If it could happen to me, it could happen to you. I was the most stable person I knew. And just because I went on this diet and drank all this water... here I am in the worst episode I've ever had.

I just wanted to warn you. It could happen to you. Just watch for your triggers. And don't ever count on stability. Try to stay as stable as you can, manage your disorder as best you can. Do everything you know to do... but never count on stability. It may come back to bite you on the butt when you least expect it.

As always,
God loves you, and so do I. Please pray for me to come out of this depression. I hate feeling like this.
Michele