Feeling fat and ugly
Hey, Y'all--
Just got done posting a bunch of new posts on the InnerCircleForum. It's been so long. I hate to be so cliche - but time really does pass so quickly! (when you're having fun? yeah, but I haven't exactly been having fun!). So go check it out if you get the chance.
Went to see my therapist yesterday. I've been depressed. Really depressed. Not episode-depressed, just woman-type depressed. I told her I'm feeling fat and ugly. I've gained 25 pounds since Oct. -- since I got married -- that's 25 lbs. in 4 months! Never mind that my doctor says it's cuz of a thyroid problem. I'm still fat and ugly to me.
So my therapist asks me if I were to draw a circle, what percentage of my depression would be my body/weight? And I tell her 50%. And she asks what about the other 50%? So I say 25% would be my health--lately it's from one doctor to another, trying to get healthy again. So that leaves 25% unexplainable. I don't know why, I tell her--why do I have to choose a reason? I'm just depressed!!!!! So she asks me why I don't tell my psychiatrist, and I say because he'll just up my medication again, and it's about as "upped" as I want it to be!
So now I'm thinking, what if this isn't even a depression? What if it's just hormones? What if I'm just BITCHY????? Think about it--I just got diagnosed with thyroid problems. I'm already in menopause (and can't take hormones cuz they give me migraines). Reckon there might be a connection here? Hmmm...so now I'm thinking about this.
Have any of y'all been through this?
posted by Michele @ 11:11 AM
1 comments
1 Comments:
I just started reading your blog and I found it very, very informational. I appreciate that. I like Dave's comments, but to hear info from a real b/polar (not the bear type), is beneficial. Re your comment on gaining weight, I was worried about the same thing, however, I was already somewhat overweight. When I told my psyc. that, he said he wanted me to take Geodon in addition to Lamictal. I hate, I HATE taking meds, but I'm more afraid not to. He said Geodon would help/make me lose weight. So far he's been right. I'm losing weight and I like that, but I don't like not having a life. I have to take it at 7pm in order to be up by 5am. That means as soon as I get home I have to start preparing for work the next day and go to bed. I have no life and that hurts. I'm afraid not to take the meds because I fear the depression (which I have most of the time anyway) and afraid of the anger. Do you have any insight in this area, or know of anyone that has been in this position? I surely would appreciate some info other than from my doc, who says I have to take Geodon to get rest and it works along with Lamictal. He's not my first doc and I do like him, but all the meds scare me. Welbutrin 150 mgs. Lamictal 400mgs., and Geodon 60 (wants me to work up to 80). 60 is almost more than I can handle at this point. Let me know if you can. Regards, cigi
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