BP Being What it is...

Hey, y'all--

It always seems that when one thing goes good, two things go bad to make up for it. I don't mean to be a pessimist (y'all know I'm the eternal optimist, or at the least a realist), but...

My mother's BP episode is getting worse by the day. My father promised her 12 yrs ago that he would never put her in the hospital again (they were horrible back then). But just yesterday threatened that if she didn't get some sleep (i.e., let HIM get some sleep), he was going to do just that. And she is at the point that she doesn't even seem to care if he does. This is not my mom. This is some alien-type manic creature that has taken over my mother's mind. It is so painful -- not for her, but for all those who love her. In 50 yrs of marriage, my father has seen her thru several episodes, but none like this one. She's never been this bad. Ever. I feel so helpless. I know there is nothing I can do but be there with my one phone call a day (she's in FL, I'm in TN), but all she does is rattle on about nonsense, and even I, with the patience of a saint (having raised 3 sons) lose my patience. It's like dealing with a misbehaving child. And you can't get anywhere with her. And she doesn't remember from one day to the next (sometimes one hour, even) what she says or does that is hurtful or stressful, so that is really stressful to the rest of us. Ok, enough of problem #1.

Problem #2: My husband also has BP. And he has only been getting about 4 hrs of sleep a night. We don't know why he isn't sleeping through the night, but y'all know that not enough sleep will throw you into an episode. He's been getting more depressed by the day. So here I am with that helpless feeling again. He says he doesn't want to go into the hospital. Not even the one I was in a few months ago that was so great it got me out of my manic episode in just a few days. And they treated me so kind and respectful, and taught me (me, who thought I knew everything there was to know about BP) so much about the disorder. But I'm so worried about him on top of my mom...and yet I have to keep myself in order so I don't go into my own episode on top of everything else. That's the primary thing. But it's so hard, because between the two of them, it's so easy to be depressed.

So I just do the best I can with the hand I'm dealt, and pray and pray and pray... and each night I cry when no one can see or hear me... because sometimes the struggle is so hard, and so lonely. But at least I have y'all to share it with, so I don't feel so alone. I always try to think I'm such a tower of strength, but at times like these, I topple like my son's building blocks when he was little. Anyway, thanx for listening. Hopefully, I'll have better news tomorrow.

Michele