Bad News About Mom

Hey, y'all--

I'm sorry it's been so long, but I had to go to FL to take care of my mom, who went into a major episode after 12 years!! I have been home for a few days, but so totally drained that I just couldn't even write on here. I had to leave her still in her episode, unfortunately, or I would have gone into one myself. I know that sounds harsh, but there was nothing else I could have done. Her psych wanted to put her in the hospital (called her delusional), but my dad wouldn't do that, because of an old promise he made her 12 yrs ago that he would never do that again. I was mad about that at first, but I met a woman who had, until recently, been a social worker there, and she said she wouldn't put her own mother in any of the hospitals there.

I've never seen any BP, much less my mother, in an episode as bad as this. My sister's last one (before she killed herself) was bad, real bad, but for my mother, this was worse. At least she was willing to go to the psych tho, same one she's had for 12 yrs. He upped her Seroquel, then after a few days added Abilify. First to sleep more (she was sleeping 2-4 hrs). Then, the Abilify to try to bring her thoughts under control. Oh, they brought them under control all right -- she thought she was Queen Bee and started ordering me all around. Now my "real" Mom is so sweet and funny and everyone loves her -- but "this" Mom was a bitch. She even called herself that! She said she had a right to be that if she wanted to -- she earned the right. She kept talking about she earned the right to do this...earned the right to do that... etc. etc. Most of what she said was gibberish. I had to use key words for her to try just to keep her in the present. She kept going back to the past and crying. Especially about my sister.

Mom is Jewish, in background, and these days pretty reform. But this episode made her VERY Jewish. She talks in Yiddish (Jewish language), performing Jewish rituals, etc. Overboard on the Jewish thing.

About money, before I came down there, she spent like crazy. I got her to give her charge cards to my Dad. But then I found out she had secret stash money in several banks. She kept bragging on this to me, but I didn't know if it was true or not. It was. Then I was torn between telling my Dad about it or not. And that's the thing -- she kept pulling me into the middle between me and my Dad.

The nastiness, the Bitch, the secret stash, the Jewishness, the not sleeping (even with medication), the delirium, the talking to strangers and telling everyone, "I'm sick, you know, yes I am," and things like that... and never giving my Dad a rest -- he works nights as a security guard, and she knows he needs his sleep or he cannot work, yet keeps waking him up with stupid questions anyway. Now my mom is 70 and my dad is 72. So these are not young people we're talking about!

I have 2 brothers left after my sister died. One lives in England, and the other in Pensacola, FL. Both are concerned, but neither believes she is as bad as she is, because when she talks to them she acts "normal," which makes me look like an ass. So now comes the worst part. My brother Alan, the one in England, sends his mother-in-law to come stay with Mom for a few months (cuz he wants a break from her living with him) and takes his family on a Disney Cruise. Mary has been here before, and her and my mother are "best friends." She is in denial that anything is wrong with Mom, even tho she is seeing mom in this condition. Part of that is that mom is on her best behavior, but how long is that going to last?

Now, Mary & I, in the last day that I stayed and the first day she arrived, did not hit it off well, as there was somewhat of a power struggle. I had worked with Mom for hours making out a daily routine list. First thing Mary says is, "Oh, we don't need this, Shirley and I know what to do." I tried to explain to Mary that this was a different Shirley than she knew, and she needed to follow this routine, but I could tell that nothing was sinking in, so I finally gave up. She was already undoing every ounce of progress I had made with my mother. So I just came home.

I called my dad the next day and asked how things were going. He sounded exhausted, and he said he almost went to a hotel the night before just to get some sleep and because he just can't take it any more -- that she had only had 4 hours of sleep (I had had her up to 9). The only hope in all this is that she has another psych appt. today, and Dad (for the first time) is taking her. So he will finally meet her psych, hopefully tell him what's really happening, and will go from there. Now, hopefully, mom will "get caught."

Whew! Now do you see why I'm so exhausted? Usually I'm on the survivor end of this thing. To you supporters, you have my undying respect and admiration. I don't know how you do it. I am a supporter to my husband, but he never gets like this. Now I realize how lucky I am. I pity those of you who have to deal with loved ones in episodes like this one.