Never Underestimate the Power of Love

Hey, y'all--

I'm sorry I haven't posted. We've been so busy with launching the Inner Circle and another project (secrets, secrets!)--don't worry, you'll love it! :)

Anyway, I have the most wonderful news, and couldn't wait to share it with you! Bill proposed to me the other night! It was so special. Even my son who lives up in NY flew down for it, so all 3 of my sons were here when he did it. It was the happiest day of my life! Incredible, in fact, since I am in this depressive episode, so every moment of happiness that I can grab between groups of moments of depression, hey, I'll take.

I've been going up and down as far as moods go. Just trying to stay calm, stay above the bottom line depression, stay as stable as possible, and try not to expect too much from myself, trying to keep the stress level as low as I can.

I can do good in the morning, pretty well in the afternoon, but by dinner time I'm getting depressed, and by nighttime I'm tearful, and by the time I go to sleep, well, I'm pretty much gone. It's like as long as I have energy I can control the episode (along with meds and a very good support team)--but as the energy starts wearing thin, the depression gains in momentum.

It helps me to keep in mind that I really have no control over it--and that this is not something I can stop on my own, that it is chemical, and not me. I am doing everything I can do, everything I am supposed to do, everything in my power to do. But I cannot do anything about the chemicals in my brain deciding to do their own thing and party while I'm trying to carry on this stable life here!

So I will have to go back and have 4 shock treatments in June, and I'm ok with that, because increasing the meds to fix the situation instead of shock treatments to fix it would be like taking the longer back country roads to get somewhere as opposed to taking the highway.

Oh well, enough about me. I read something in one of the readings this morning that Bill and I read together (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love) that I wanted to share with you:

"You can transform your relationship forever by utilizing the power of love. If you can respond with love instead of reacting with frustration--if you can remain loving instead of acting defensive--and if you can keep your heart open, even when it seems uncalled-for, you will have discovered the power of love and the most effective way to ensure lasting and nourishing relationships in your life."

Remember that God loves you, and so do I.
Love, Michele