Give Yourself a Break

Hey, y'all--

I've been thinking about something this week that I wanted to share with you. It's the concept of giving yourself a break--not being so hard on yourself. If you're anything like me, you tend to expect more from yourself than anyone else expects from you, and you probably even expect more from yourself than you expect of anyone else. You give breaks to other people that you just don't give to yourself. In other words, you don't give yourself the same "priviledge" that you extend to other people of allowing yourself to be human!

Such a simple concept, isn't it? But part of having BP means that, at least in some cases, and for at least part of our lives, we have spent much energy hiding our disorder. Some, to the extent that we couldn't allow ourselves the same privilege that other people have (those who don't have BP) of being human. We have had to be something "more" than "just human," in order to hide our disorder, in order to "appear normal." And that is sad, so very sad. But true, for most of us.

Some of us, like me, have decided to "come out of the closet" and do disclose that we have BP. Some still think it is easier not to tell. I'm not going to "take sides" here. There is an argument to be made for either side. In my case, I have become very vocal about BP, "turning the tables" on it, so to speak. I have taken control over it, instead of the other way around, which is the way it used to be--my silence gave the BP control over me. Now I speak to the health classes in the local high school about Bipolar Disorder, hoping to help teenagers identify the disorder in themselves, their (undiagnosed) parents, and their friends, so that they don't have to go through what I did before I was diagnosed at 45 yrs old.

At any rate, what I was thinking about this week was simply that I should give myself a break. I do tend to expect more from myself than I expect from anyone else. Sometimes I push myself too hard, and that is dangerous for someone with BP. You can push yourself right into a manic episode if you're not careful. I've learned that when I have a project to do, for example (this week I have been "spring cleaning"), to break it down into shorter segments, instead of trying to do it all in one day. In the "old days", I would keep going, to the extreme of not sleeping, to get a project done, and once I hit the no sleep part, well, the mania would just walk right in my front door! But I know better now. Even though sometimes I have to force myself to stop, I know that I do have to stop, because I will not allow a manic episode to happen to me if I can help it!

So... I give myself a break. I took the big S off my T-shirt, finally admitting I am not Superwoman. I found out there is a God, and I'm not Him. I have accepted that I do have limitations, and I function within those limitations. I give myself credit for what I do get done (even though sometimes just getting out of bed is the most I can do!), and give myself permission to leave things undone at the end of the day. Hey--that's a biggie, believe it or not! There was a time, before I was diagnosed, put on the right medication and stabilized, when I absolutely could not sleep at night if there was even one thing not done from my to-do list!

Now YOU try it! Just as an experiment... just for today--give yourself permission to let things go. If you get everything done, fine. If you don't, THAT'S OK!! Give yourself the same break that you would give anyone else. REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN. It's the first step in learning how to love yourself. When Jesus was telling the people about the two Greatest Commandments, the second one He said was, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Most people get the "Love thy neighbor" part, but fail to remember the "as thyself" part. You cannot love your neighbor unless you also love yourself. Don't argue with me--hey, Jesus is the one who said it!! Even God wants you to love yourself!

So stop being so hard on yourself. You are only human after all! It really is ok that you are not perfect! And "normal" is just a setting on a washing machine!

Remember that God loves you (and wants you to love yourself, too), and so do I!
Love,
Michele