Loving Someone with Bipolar

Hey, y'all--

Yesterday, I went back into the archives of my blog to the first few posts on here and was reading some of your old comments to the entries I wrote--specifically about how hard it is to love someone who has bipolar, and what you have to put up with. It made me think, to say the least. Especially because I, myself, am in love with a man who has bipolar disorder. I haven't said anything about it, because things have been going well. But the past two weeks, he hasn't been "himself", and that has bothered me. Reading thru old posts on this blog, I read that many of you have gone thru or are going thru the same thing.

When I was young, my mother told me, "It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is to fall in love with a poor man." So, then, it's just as easy to fall in love with someone who does NOT have BP as someone who DOES have BP, right? Well, unfortunately, I didn't listen to her in either case. Because the heart doesn't abide by any rules. It falls in love with whomever it chooses.

But I was reading about people who, if it weren't for the children, would have left their spouse a long time ago...about people who say their spouse never told them they have BP until after the marriage, and it's like they're a totally different person now...people who have fallen out of love with they're spouse because of the difficulties of loving someone with BP...people who talk about how it's just too hard to take care of someone with BP...people who just cannot understand BP at all...people who are just stressed out trying to "control" someone with BP... people who are broke because of someone's mania...people who are angry...people who are lost... people who are sad...people who are confused...people who are helpless...people who just don't know what to do anymore...people who have given up...

If you want to see what I'm talking about, click on the archives of this blog. Read some of the old posts. Or you may not even have to. You may know firsthand what I'm talking about. This may be happening in your own relationship/marriage even as I'm writing this. I know the feeling. These past two weeks my boyfriend has been depressed, and has slept most of the time, and pretty much a zombie the rest of the time. At any rate, he sure wasn't acting like the man I fell in love with, and I was...well, suffice to say, I ran the gamet of emotions, none of them positive. He says it's the medications (his doctor put him on some new medications). And that may be true. Those with BP do have to cope with what I call the "medication merry-go-round", where our doctors change our medications, add new meds, or up dosages of current meds, and we do react in different ways and, yes, it is frustrating for us as well as the people who love us.

But because of the way he was acting, I reacted as well. And I began to fall into a depression, and that wouldn't be good for either of us. But I prayed about it, and I remembered that I committed myself to love him NO MATTER WHAT--to have unconditional love for him, as he does for me. This may sound cliche to most of you, even impossible to some of you...and maybe it is easier because we both have BP, so we can make allowances that others in relationships cannot do. Because we understand the disorder.

Try going back to the beginning. If you don't understand the disorder itself, you will never understand your partner. Go back to the articles I've written, or to bipolarcentral.com and learn. It has nothing to do with love at all--in fact, your partner probably loves you more than you can ever know. But BP has a way of taking control of us like a lassoo around a rodeo bull, and we cannot help ourselves at times. That's when we need our loved ones the most, even tho it probably seems like we're rejecting help.

Was I angry that my boyfriend slept all weekend? Yeah. Was I frustrated that he wasn't himself? Yep. Did I feel helpless because he was depressed? You betcha. But, in spite of all the downsides of bipolar disorder, I love this man with all my heart, and I made a choice that I will be there for him, no matter what. And so I hung in there, no matter how I "felt". I know it isn't the easy way. Nope--it is definitely NOT easy, as I'm sure ALL of you can attest! But it's worth it to me. In spite of all the ups and downs, it's worth it to me.

It still boils down to a choice. It takes a LOT of love to stay with someone who has BP. A WHOLE lot of love. And a very strong commitment. If you can't do it, that's understandable. If you can, no one will give you a medal. But it's still your choice in the end. I still say, to make the right choice, you must have all the information, and it is readily available on this website. And pray about it. And share about it on here, because YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are others out there struggling with the same thing you are!

And, always, remember that God loves you, and so do I.
Love,
Michele