We Are Only Human

Hey, y'all--

I wanted to share with you a new insight I learned this week about depression. Like other lessons I've learned, this, too, I had to learn the hard way (surprise!). I had thought that after I had the ECT treatments, I would never be depressed again. I don't know why I thought that, but I really did. So, needless to say, I've been depressed a few times since the ECT. The first couple times really threw me, and I kept them secret, believing there was something still wrong with me. And also scared that if I told anyone about the depressions, I would have to go back for more ECT sessions (a huge error in thinking, as I'll tell you about shortly).

When I finally told my boyfriend about my depressions, and expressed my fear that because of them, I thought the ECT hadn't worked, he surprised me by saying, "What did you expect? You're only human!" So, after I picked myself off the floor... I asked him to explain. See, he has BP as well, so I value his opinion. First he acknowledged that the ECT had, in fact, worked, and that I have been soooo much better than I was before. Then he told me that it was unrealistic to expect that I would never be depressed again, as even non-BP people get depressed. And that it was only fear that was causing me to think that the ECT had failed and that I would have to go back for more sessions. Finally, he told me that my mistake was in not sharing how I was feeling, which was the same mistake I had always made when I got depressed--that I would keep all those feelings inside, spiraling downward to the bottom of a BP depression, until I ended up in the institution.

Now that I am talking openly about my thoughts and feelings when I get depressed, I find that I AM only human, and that other people have these same thoughts, and that I'm ok! I'm (relatively) NORMAL, in fact! What I've learned is that it was my isolation that was my biggest enemy. When I kept everything to myself, my own thoughts had no outlet, so they turned on me, having me believe things that really weren't true, but I had no way of knowing that, because I didn't share them.

Now it seems like such a simple solution for such a complicated problem. And it works! Believe me, friends, it really does work. As soon as I start feeling depressed, I share my thoughts and feelings with someone I trust (or my journal, if no one is around), and get feedback (usually, they tell me I'm not as crazy as I think I am!!). By doing that, I have learned one of the greatest lessons of all--to PUT THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE. And by doing that, I have learned that WE ARE ONLY HUMAN. We are not as different from "everyone else" as our disorder would have us believe.

From one "only human" BP survivor to another,
Have a great week! Let me know how y'all are doing, ok?
Love,
Michele