Just Checkin' In

Hey, y'all--

No big revelations today, or anything--just checkin' in. Was at a meeting last night, and this guy was just so very angry at having bipolar disorder, he was just ranting and raving! He said that he is newly diagnosed, doesn't know very much about "it" yet, was just starting to read about it, and was just starting on medication. Ah..., I thought, now I understand where his anger is coming from. Don't we all?

Took me back to my beginning... finding out there was actually a name for the insanity I felt! Whew! And then just as fast as I was feeling relief, that feeling was taken away from me just as if the carpet was pulled out right from beneath my feet, and I was told (as Paul Harvey would say) "the rest of the story." The good news? I wasn't going to die. The bad news? There was no cure. The good news? There was medication that would help control the symptoms. The bad news? I would have to take the medication for the rest of my life. I could go on and on with the good news/bad news scenerios, but you all know what I mean.

We all know what it was like in the beginning...that awful fear that descended on us--mostly the fear of the unknown. For bipolar disorder (although we were relieved we at least had a diagnosis), was not something as easily defined as, say, diabetes or even cancer. BP is a hidden handicap--just as disabling as any physical disorder--however, this one comes with a whole host of its own symptoms, some not socially acceptable.

Many people with BP will not even tell people they have it, for fear of reprisal, such as loss of their jobs. Not because we fear the disorder, but because other people fear it--again, fear of the unknown, most likely. As soon as we found out we had BP, we read what we could find about it--those who don't have it, won't make that kind of effort. And, too many times, we are judged, sometimes harshly, for having BP, just because of society's ignorance of the disorder.

Things are getting better, as far as educating the general public about BP, largely through the efforts of organizations such as NAMI and NIMH... but in our own private sectors of the "general public" (our co-workers and/or those closest to us), too many of us still feel "less than," "not a part of," "defective," "abnormal," "different," etc. And, with the medication merry-go-round (until we find the medication that works for us which, in my case, anyway, took 2 years), it may take a long time to feel like ourselves again (if there ever was a "self" in the first place).

Anyway, I didn't mean to run off like this, just over a guy at a meeting last night, but once I got started...oh well, it's just a subject close to my heart. Even though several times a week I meet people who either have BP, know someone who does (usually a family member), or are newly diagnosed, it still amazes me that this disorder is as widespread as it is, yet is so rarely talked about, or brought out into the open. It just makes me even more grateful that we have this forum (blog) to share in.

Remember, God loves you, and so do I.
Love, Michele