Life in 5 Short Chapters
Hey, y'all--
Found something I thought you might enjoy. It certainly describes my life!
Life in Five Short Chapters
Chapter One:
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless. It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place. It isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is still there.
I still fall in...it's a habit.
My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter Four:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I WALK AROUND IT.
Chapter Five:
I walk down another street.
_________________________________________
Sounds just like me. Takes me a long time to get things sometimes...like I always have to learn things the hard way. The good news is, once I learn my lesson, I really learn my lesson!
Well, I had my procedure at the hospital (endoscopy/colonoscopy) and stomach biopsies, so I won't know the results till Mon. or Tues. In the meantime, they're just calling it irritable bowel syndrome. So I said, "You mean like the commercial where all the women pick up their shirts and there's magic marker all over their bellies?" Oh well, at least I thought it was funny (NOT!). Anyway, will write again when I know what's happening.
Remember, God loves you and so do I.
Love, Michele
posted by Michele @ 1:07 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
carlene--
I know that you feel very alone right now, but believe it or not, there are others who have similar stories to yours. The most important thing is that you and your children stay safe, whatever that takes. Your husband's behavior, whether from bipolar or from drugs, whether directed at you, the children, himself or at the world in general, does not insure safety or stability at this point--not his, not yours, and certainly not your children's. This cannot continue. Again, you must do whatever you have to do to make sure that your children are safe. You talked about his mother, but what about your own support system? Do you have one? Verbal abuse is just as destructive as physical abuse. You can get help. There are phone numbers listed in your local directory. If your husband refuses to take the medication his doctor has prescribed, there is nothing you can do to help him. If he is in denial, there is nothing you can say to him that will convince him that he has the disorder. If he has a drug problem, the only thing you can do to help him is to call your local Narcotics Anonymous and see if they have meetings for the spouse of an addict, or at least a contact number for you to talk to another spouse of an addict, who may be able to at least listen to you and help that way. You cannot help an addict if they are not ready to stop. They will stop whey they are ready to, and not before, no matter what you do. But you cannot have drugs brought into your home, as that endangers your children, as well as his behavior when he is high. You need to stop looking to his mother and his therapist for help, as they are not going to help you, and are only frustrating your efforts. You cannot control your husband's lying. You also cannot control his behavior, his addiction, his bipolar, or anything else about him. The only person you have control over is yourself. You need to do whatever it takes to keep yourself emotionally healthy, because your children are relying on you. You cannot afford to have your husband drag you down with him. You need to take care of you, and let him go. Let him take care of himself.
The best thing you can do to help your husband is to help yourself. Go back to bipolarcentral.com. I understand that you cannot afford the programs right now, but there are many, many articles on there that you can read for free. Go to articles/stories and click on there. Those articles will help you. Also, develop a support system for yourself. Family, friends, church, bipolar support groups, crisis phone numbers, abuse hot lines (again, verbal abuse does count), chat rooms, your own therapist/doctor/etc. Do not make any major decisions at this time. You don't need that stress right now. Anything you can do to lower your stress level is what you should be doing. Take care of yourself and your children, and let your husband take care of himself. It's very hard to do, but you have to let go of him. It will be painful to step back and watch his self-destructive behavior, but this is where "Let go and let God" comes in. You have to let go. He hasn't hit bottom yet. When he does, he will get help, but not one minute before then. It may take jail, institution, hospitalization, or worse. But it will take what it takes. I wish I could give you a magic solution, but unfortunately, there isn't one. "It takes what it takes." Each person is different. Hopefully, you will do some of the things I suggested, or at least get some direction from them. You can write again anytime. I will pray for you.
And remember, you are not alone. God loves you, and so do I.
Love, Michele
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