The 10/2 Equation

Hey, yall--

I had made a comment to Dave one time about something I called the 10/2 Equation that I used with my kids when they were little, when I was teaching them about what kind of kids to hang around with (and which kids NOT to). He put it on his blog, and you wouldn't believe how many responses he got to it!

So here it is: THE 10/2 EQUATION: (Regarding negative people) If you are a 10 and they are a 2, and you hang around with them, you will not bring them up to an 8, they will bring you down to a 4.

It's just that simple. But what our conversation, and his subsequent blog, was about, was how it can be applied to bipolar disorder, and that's pretty clear -- just as violence begets violence, so does negative attract negative. And since I'm always preaching at y'all about being positive, you can see why I would want you to apply the 10/2 Equation to yourself.

It has to do with surrounding yourself with positive people. Again, simple. If you surround yourself with negative people, you yourself will become a negative person. Now, don't you be offended, some of you, but I'm not into all that New Age stuff, so I'm not into auras and the like, but I do know when I can sense whether a person is a negative person or a positive one. Sometimes it's as simple as whether they have a smile on their face or not!

The point is, sometimes we give our supporters a harder time than we need to, because we can tend to get very negative. I know we don't mean to. It's just that sometimes, it's hard to be us. Well, I guess maybe I should just talk about me, and not assume you're like me. So, sorry about that.

Ok, *I* tend to get negative sometimes. Replace negative with depressed, and you've got me to a tee. And I really don't want to be that way. So it's one of the things I'm in the process of changing about myself. Because I love my supporter (my husband) very much, and I want to make him happy. And also because I do NOT want to be a burden on him!

So I try to be positive every time I can. This usually means that every time I have a negative thought cross my mind, I consciously replace it with a positive one. And that just takes practice.

And here's a warning for you: Thinking like, "Well, things could be worse," *sounds* at first like positive thinking, but don't be fooled. It is still not positive thinking, because it keeps you like a gerbil in a wheel -- it doesn't get you anywhere. There is no room for action there. It doesn't change anything. It does nothing to further you in your goal to be more positive. See what I mean?

So instead, you need to turn it around. And the easiest (and first) way to do that is to examine who you are letting closest to you. This may hurt a little at first. If, say, your mother always seems to bring you down every time you talk to her, then that is the 10/2 Equation in practice. So since you can't (and wouldn't want to) cut her completely out of your life, you have to limit how/when you talk to her. Wait until you are feeling the most positive, so there will be the least negative response.

As for obviously negative people in your life that you CAN "delete" from your life, DO IT! And do it as soon as possible. You will almost immediately notice a change in your life. Again, if I did subscribe to a New Age way of thinking, I would say that your aura would immediately change, as soon as you got that negative force out of your life.

The point is, without a negative influence constantly surrounding you, you can be the positive, successful person you were meant to be, bipolar or not!

Ok, now for the downside -- since I can hear some of you already saying, "Yeah, but..."

"Yeah, but... I live with someone who has bipolar disorder, and even tho I try to be positive, they are negative all the time!" I get that answer a lot.

Remember the expression "Slow and steady wins the race?" The more consistent you are, the more you change yourself, the more likely they are to change. Just don't feed into their negativity. I'm not saying for you to ignore their complaining... just to not reinforce it.

When they start complaining (usually about the same thing), just get up and walk away (and expect an immediate response!!!). Then just tell them that altho you love them very much, their negativity is making you sick (emotionally), and you just can't do that any more. Tell them that you need them to at least TRY to be more positive (translated: to be less critical and complain less).

So that's my challenge. Try it, and let me know what happens.

Remember that God loves you and so do I!
Michele