Not Feeling Well

Hey, y'all--

Here I've been so busy writing articles for the next newsletter, one of them having a part in it about procrastination, and I find myself guilty of the very same thing -- I haven't written in here since the end of August! Procrastination, simple as that. Some days I think about writing, but don't think I have anything to say, so I think I'll write the next day, then the next day comes and I just put it off. Then the next thing you know, I haven't written in a long time.

The whole last week I've felt "off." I know some of you feel that way, too. It's not something you can really put your finger on, but you do feel it. It's not that I'm depressed really, but it's not that I'm not, either. And I have no energy, either. And I'm sleeping, like, 10 hours a day. And even then I could sleep more if I let myself, cuz it doesn't matter how much I sleep, I'm still tired. It's like I have to force myself to get out of bed. Now if any of you told me this, I would say you could be heading for a depressive episode, and you better watch yourself carefully. But this is me we're talking about, and I'm usually in denial until the very last minute. But because of my last episode, I believe this time I'll take my own advice, and I am doing all the things I should do in a case like this:

I'm being open and honest about it with my husband -- he is my primary supporter. I'm not just stuffing everything and keeping it inside. He knows what's going on. It could be something, it could be nothing -- just the humidity and weather that's hot, that's making me feel so wiped out all the time. But just to be sure, I told Bill how I'm feeling, so weak and tired. Just in case it is heading into depression.

I'm taking care of myself the best I can. I was exercising every day until this week, when I just felt too weak and tired to do it, then the procrastination to exercise as well. I may not have control over that, but I do have control over the guilt. So I'm making a choice not to feel guilty over the fact that I haven't exercised this week. It's only been 5 days out of all the days I did exercise. I cut myself a break, just like I would cut you one. It'll come back, I know it will.

I'm taking my medications. I never stopped. That's a given. I would NEVER stop taking my meds, nor would I ever believe that it's my meds making me feel this way. I've been stable on them for too long to think that.

I'm working (writing) when I can, and when I can't, well, I just can't. I'm not pushing myself, or I'd just get stressed. I used to push myself anyway, and then I'd end up with a migraine, and definite depression. And the thing was, it wasn't Dave expecting the articles on some deadline and pushing me, it was me pushing myself. And there was no good reason for it, except to add stress to my life. So I don't do that any more. I do what I can do and let go of the rest. At least that part is paying off, because I haven't had a migraine in 2 whole weeks! I used to get them every other day.

I'm watching myself. Just watching. Like I would do for Bill as his supporter. Watching for signs. This could be anything, like I said earlier. My girlfriend just found out she has pneumonia, and it started like this. I have another one who has fibromyalgia that started like this. I'm not saying, by any means, that I have either one. All I'm saying is that I could have something physical, like a cold coming on, at least maybe a physical explanation for why I'm feeling the way I am -- rather than jumping to the conclusion that I have a depressive episode coming on, know what I mean? I'm just covering all the bases. Just like I would for anyone else.

Anyway, now that I've written all this, I'm exhausted, so I think I"m going to lay down and read a book for awhile -- that doesn't take too much energy. But really, if this has happened to any of you, I'd like to know about it.

Michele