Don't Get Overwhelmed By Others

Hey, y'all --

Well, I have to tell you -- life being a person with bipolar disorder can get pretty complicated sometimes. Whether it gets complicated for us, or whether we make it complicated for ourselves, I'm not sure.

But today just feels like one of those complicated days. Like everything is going wrong. Not necessarily in my life, but in everyone's around me.

I hate to sound so cold, but here's the deal. I have enough problems of my own without worrying about everyone else's. But here's the problem. I DO worry about everyone else's, because I care so much about everyone else. Maybe too much, I don't know.

Sometimes I think I worry about their problems more than my own. Too busy playing Superwoman, too busy trying to be strong for everyone else.

So much of that that I drove myself into a state of exhaustion and ended up in the ER last week. I just can't keep doing this, but I just can't help myself, either.

The thing is, tho, that I do know it isn't good for my bipolar disorder, so something has to change.

There are things that overwhelm us just naturally by our bipolar alone. Then there are things that just overwhelm us by life, just like people who don't even have the disorder. And like I said earlier, things that come upon us, and things we bring upon ourselves.

But if we are going to stay stable, we have to take control over the things that overwhelm us, or they are definitely going to take control over us.

Like take for instance my best friends. Something terrible is happening in their lives right now of a physical nature. My heart absolutely bleeds for them. But I am helpless to do anything about it but to pray for them and to be there if they need a friend to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. Not that I'm saying that prayer is a small thing -- it certainly is not. I've seen miracles happen (and I'm praying for one in this instance).

But I've been so heartbroken over this, cried off and on about it all morning, and for what? Over something I can do absolutely nothing about. I practically made myself sick over it. And do you think my friends would want that? No, they wouldn't. They would want me taking care of myself, not stressing myself out, and taking care of my bipolar disorder so that I stay stable, and not get overwhelmed on their account.

There are things we can control, and then there are things over which we have absolutely no control whatsoever. Those are the things we have to turn over to God and trust the outcome to Him.

We can care about our friends and family. We can care about their problems. But we can't hurt TOO much for them, or that will overwhelm us to the point that our own stability is in jeopardy.

And they wouldn't want that for us, any more than we should want that for ourselves.

So I told my friend that I'm there for her, and that I would pray for them. Then I talked to my husband (my supporter) about the situation which was upsetting me horribly. I cried like a baby. But my husband told me to "let it go," because I couldn't do anything about it.

Now, I'm a stubborn woman. (Aren't many of us with bipolar disorder?) I held onto it for a little while longer. But eventually I realized that what my husband said was true and for my benefit, and because he loves me, and also because he has bipolar himself.

I had to let it go. There's nothing I can do. Because if I didn't let it go, it would hurt me and my stability. And these things always have a way of working themselves out without our interference anyway.

Anyway, I wish you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele