Be Grateful for Your Blessings, Even the Small Ones

Hey, y'all --

Boy, am I in the holiday spirit! I feel like saying, "Hi, I'm Michele, and I'm addicted to Christmas!" I sure feel different than last year, when I almost went into a bipolar depressive episode at this time.

But this year I am so grateful for my blessings, even the small ones. I think especially for the small ones. Mostly that I'm stable. That's my greatest blessing of all. I think about how hard it was to get to this point, and how grateful I am for each day that I stay here. And also how sad I am for every person who writes to me about their struggles with stability, how I wish I could help them all, how I wish I had all the answers, and how frustrating it is that I don't.

I'm so very grateful for a wonderful husband who loves me as much as Bill does. He makes me feel so special in so many small ways, every day. Nothing extravagant, just his being here, supporting me. He has bipolar disorder, too, so he understands me in a way that nobody else could. So there's a companionship there that makes him more than just my husband. He's my best friend, too.

I'm grateful for my little double-wide trailer. When you walk inside, you'd never know it was a trailer. It's a beautiful home. At least it is to me. It's my home. I'm grateful for any home, because I remember when I was homeless, sleeping in my car, because I was addicted to alcohol and drugs (self-medicating my undiagnosed bipolar disorder). It's warm and cozy here, especially tonight, when it's freezing cold outside.

I'm grateful for our beautiful little 4' decorated Christmas tree that I bought for $1 at a yard sale last summer. Looks like a Charlie Brown Christmas tree, but it's beautiful to me! :) And the gifts under it are beautiful too, because they're gifts from the heart. We live on disability, so I know they aren't much to anyone else but us, but "heart-gifts" are always better anyway.

I'm grateful for our dog, Princess. She's a cross between a hound and a, well, hound, I guess.LOL But she's beautiful to me. She loves me unconditionally, as all dogs do. You know that old expression, "May I someday be the person my dog already thinks I am." I hope I am.

I'm grateful for three beautiful, wonderful, healthy, grown sons who I love with all my heart. I wish they could all be with me for Christmas this year but even though they can't, they still will be in spirit. And I have my memories of other Christmases when they were little.

I'm grateful for parents who love me. I won't get to see them, because they live in FL and I live in TN, but we talk on the phone quite a bit. They're Jewish anyway (I got saved when I was 21), so they don't celebrate Christmas, but they're happy for me. And they understand my excitement. It's also special for me because when I was drinking and drugging, I destroyed my relationship with my parents, and didn't make amends with them until just a few years ago, so I am so grateful that I have such a wonderful relationship with them now.

I still mourn the loss of my sister due to her suicide from bipolar disorder, but I'm grateful that her story has saved so many lives. And I'm grateful for the many happy memories that I have of her, especially at this time of year. Her birthday was Dec. 14th, so she is always on my heart and mind at Christmastime.

I'm grateful for my friends, especially Lisa and Michael. New friends, but wonderful friends. I feel like I've known them for all of my life. Lisa is like my soul sister. She is the one who wrote that last comment that I posted on my blog. Isn't she a fantastic writer? And the post before that, the one with the clock on it? That was Michael, her husband. He has a great website at everyminute.org. They do great work for NAMI, too -- I met them at the In Our Own Voice workshop I went to that one weekend I wrote about. I couldn't ask for better friends. They are so very special to me, and I love them so much.

I'm grateful for my best friend, Dolores, who I've known since the 10th grade (35 years now). No one could ask for a better best friend. I love her so much. And even though she doesn't have bipolar disorder, she is still so compassionate towards me for mine.

Believe it or not, I'm grateful for my therapist. She's gotten me through some pretty tough times. I can't say she's the best therapist in the world (although I think she is), but she is the perfect therapist for me. I look forward to going to see her every week, and I know she is a big part of why I stay so stable.

I'm grateful for my boss. I know most people can't say that, but I can. David Oliver is an incredible man (and no, I've never even met him!). I've worked for him for over 3-1/2 years now, and I've never had a better boss. He is so understanding of my bipolar disorder. He gave me a chance to work within its limitations when no one else would. I'm grateful for his website, which gives us all the chance to learn, to be empowered, to share, to grow and, hopefully, to become stable. He even gave me this blog, through which I've been able to help so many others with bipolar disorder, and I am so very, very grateful for that.

Most importantly, though, I am grateful for my Lord, without whom I wouldn't have any of these other things to be grateful for. God is the center of my life. I would have no life without Him, for without Him I would have succeeded in my (several) suicide attempts. Bipolar disorder would have killed me for sure. But with Him I have a life filled with so many blessings I can't even count them. It may not be a life filled with a lot of money, but it is a life filled with riches untold, one in which love abounds. Life is good. Very, very good.

I wish you all the blessings that I have, and more.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele