Just a "Day" Day

Hey, y'all--

Well, today is just a "day" day -- not up, and not down. It's pretty cold outside, but it's warm inside the house, and I'm just catching up on some writing I had to do. Hubby's off doing, well, hubby things, I guess. Tyler (my 17-yr-old) is watching TV. So it's relatively peaceful where I'm at.

I like that. No crisis. No big problems to solve. (not since the Water Heater Blues). I'll just get my writing done, then relax and read a book. I'm really looking forward to that. There was a time when I would've considered that really boring, but that was also when my life was filled with crisis after crisis (pre-BP diagnosis). Since I've stabilized, I'm glad for days like today.

When I was first diagnosed, I had to make a lot of lifestyle changes. I mean a LOT of lifestyle changes. Basically, I had to totally de-stress my life. Which, to tell the truth, was so stressed I don't know how I got through a day without a bottle of tranquilizers! I felt like I was on a continuous merry-go-round, with someone else at the controls.

It took 2 yrs of the ups and downs, different medications, therapy, episodes, etc., before I got stable, but now I lived a blessedly stable (what other people call boring) life. It's a very simple lifestyle. But it also has relatively no stress in it. I'll take two days of my life today over one day of my old life any day!

I was talking with David today, remembering what I used to go through working outside the home before I went on Disability and working for him writing for people who have BP and their supporters.

I remembered all the stress -- just having to get up, get dressed, get in the car and drive to work, park, go to work, listen to a boss tell me what to do, have to deal with my coworkers and listen to all their problems, do my work, finish the work day, get back in my car, and drive home. Then have to deal with making supper, take care of the kids and my (ex-)husband, being as stressed and wound up as I was from my work day. Then add in the home stress. Was it any surprise that one day at work I just "cracked" and ended up at the institution, where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder?

No, friends, I would NEVER want that life back. NEVER. Today I have to live on disability instead of the nice paycheck I used to get. Today I "hide" in my house instead of being out in public. Today I am in my pajamas more often than not, instead of the nice clothes I used to wear to work. Today the car mostly sits in the driveway while I do my work in front of the computer.

But today I am HAPPY! I LOVE what I do for a living! I LOVE helping other people who have bipolar disorder, and their supporters! I LOVE being home with my husband during the day. I LOVE my simple, (relatively) stress-free lifestyle. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Remember that God loves you and so do I!
Michele