Friends to Friends

Hey, y'all--

I just wanted to thank everyone for being so supportive during my recent depression. Your comments were so encouraging, and I appreciated every one--although it was a bit convicting to read my own words written back at me! Nicolep wrote and reminded me that I had previously posted on here: "Give it one more day. 'Never give up before the miracle happens'. Who knows, your miracle may be right around the corner...you have been in this dark place before, and you came out of it. You WILL come out of it again." YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!

Sometimes I get so caught up in the advocating, teaching, writing articles, etc., side of bipolar disorder, that I forget that I am also a consumer, that I have bipolar myself! And when I do get depressed, I take it hard, because I don't give myself the same break as I would give to anyone else. But I'm working on that now, because of comments y'all made, like what Cinders wrote to me: "The best we can do is be kind to ourselves."

By the way, Cinders, welcome! You said that you have MS, and that you visited us actually for a friend who has BP. Please feel free to come back anytime. I liked what you said comparing MS to BP: "We are at the mercy of our bodies and never know what we will wake up to." If you just replaced the word bodies with the word brains, you would be talking about BP, because that so perfectly describes it! And your posting brings up something else--we can get so caught up in our own mental illness that our vision becomes distorted--narrow focused--and we forget there are other people out there struggling just as we are, who have different mental illnesses, or who have physical illnesses, and that pain--whether it is emotional or physical--is a great equalizer.

Nicolep--Thank you for asking how I'm doing. I'm better. It's just the old rollercoaster ride of BP. I typically ride this ride when I get overwhelmed, and especially when I am feeling financially pressured or insecure, like I have been lately. But it always passes. I am a rapid cycler, and there are still breakthrough mini-episodes, in spite of my medication. They don't last long, though. Just something I have to live with--the consequence of having bipolar. I did want to thank you, also, for pointing out that "We don't live in the "what if" world--we live in the real world." A.A. calls it "Living life on life's terms." To be honest, that's one of the things I struggle with the most, because I tend to be an idealist--I see things not as they are, but as I want them to be.

Shanendoa--ECT stands for ElectroConvulsive Therapy--it's just the good ole shock treatments, revisited. They have come a long way since the old days, and many people who have failed all the traditional methods and medications for bipolar are finding success with ECT. I am researching the topic right now and will be writing an article about it as soon as I have gathered all the information I need.

Stacey--Your comments were perhaps the most pertinent of all. You wrote: "Allow yourself to be human, and not a label." That's something I have trouble with. Before I went on disability, I had always worked 2-3 jobs--a workaholic in complete denial. I did this for 30 years. I look back on it now and see how in-human it was, how much of life I really missed. But what it really did was give me the mindset of being super-human--never allowing myself a day off, no vacations, etc. And always being such a perfectionist, too. So now you can see how the idea of allowing myself to be human is so foreign to me. And the labels have been such a convenient excuse. They gave a name to what was "wrong" with me. But I will remember and practice your words now as part of my recovery. I will make a decision to allow myself to be human. Thank you for teaching me this. It reminds me of the saying, "There is one God, and I am not Him." LOL

Again, thank you all for your care, friendship, support, and love. Now I know that truly, *I* am not alone.