First Impressions
Hey, y'all,
When Dave first approached me to begin journaling on this blog as a bipolar survivor, I was so excited! I thought, gee, I have so much to share, I can help so many people, I've got this thing all under control, blah blah blah. Well, let me tell you. God really does have a sense of humor!
Right after the "I've got this all under control thing," and after two whole years of stability (no episodes), I went into a manic episode. And I don't mean the "good" kind, where I love everyone and everyone loves me, and the only downside was that I spent too much money. I mean the "bad" kind. The very bad kind. This kind of mania was new to me. I had never experienced it before, and one of my first angry thoughts was, nobody asked me if *I* wanted this experience. I didn't get a vote. 'Cuz if I did, I sure wouldn't have opted for this. It was pure hell...every single day of it was a living hell. The only good thing to say about it at all was that somehow, miraculously, I did survive it and was even able to write about it, which you can read about in the article called BIPOLAR EPISODE - MANIC- PART ONE.
I had wanted to make a good first impression on those of you who have bipolar. Instead, after going through what I just went through, you have made a good impression on me. I have so much respect and empathy for those of you who have to deal with this "bad" kind of BP, and for your loved ones. The best thing to be said for it is, you can get through it (see my article entitled "What's Good About Bipolar?"), whichever type of bipolar disorder you have. I am living proof of that.
So, y'all, with all my best laid plans to make a good impression down the drain, I'll just be me, ok? Which is all I can be, anyway. I've got this keychain that I love. It says, "Don't try to understand me, just love me." My postings may not always be happy-happy-joy-joy, because for us survivors, sometimes to even have one happy day in a week is about the best we get. Some of my postings may be on the sad side. But I will always be honest.
Just a little of my background: My grandmother, my mother, my sister, one of my brothers, myself, and my 15-yr-old son all have bipolar, so I am very familiar with all sides of the disorder, from a very young age. My sister was 44 and killed herself this past April, because she was off her medication. So if you find me a bit of a hard-liner on taking medication religiously, please forgive me. It's just that if my sister had stayed on her medication, she would still be alive.
So, I hope that my postings will encourage you, help you, and if nothing else, remind you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Michele
posted by Michele @ 1:18 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Hello, this is my first time posting. I think that it takes a lot of courage to start a forum and be open with the world. Your open and honest comments have helped me today.
My mother was bipolar- non medicated suicided at 40..have had several cousins commit suicide, my brother and sister although never diagnosed happen to self medicate with illicit drugs. My daughter was diagnosed after taking a bottle full of narcotics right in front of me. (She is non medicated at this time because she doesn't think that the diagnosis is correct.) I am bipolar with my diagnosis originally occuring at the age of 15. I tried to kill myself, landed up in a mental hospital and then two months later my mom shot herself. Currently I am hypomanic, but I am worried that I will go to the left and hit full blown mania. That is scary. I have been hospitalized several times- three for depressed states and one for a severely dangerous manic state where I became obsessed with revenge on someone who I felt was responsible for ALL of my troubles at the time. I am glad that this forum is available. Unless you have been there in the store spending every dime you have on soap making books, or something bizarre like that it is difficult to understand how someone could just up and quit a job that they have had for 17 years. (I have had 22 jobs in the last 20 years) Whew, Sorry to ramble. As I said I am cycling right now. (I am a rapid cycler)
Again thanks for providing the opportunity to reach other people who are in similar situations.
God Bless.
I'm sorry about your sister. Good luck to you.
Linda--
An episode can occur even if you are taking your medications regularly. It may be a sign that your dosage may need to be increased, or that you may need to change medications. You need to let your doctor know what is happening.
I've never been in a support group, diagnosed BP 5 years ago, grandmother was BP, 9 year old son is ADHD (but I think BP), and the rest of my family is messed up, too. I love Dave's work here, it has helped so much. I've started my own blog to express myself to my family & friends, and hopefully to hear from other survivors & how they are coping! Please, please, please go to bipolarprincess.blogspot.com and post away!!!!
satincloud--
Please read the new posting on suicidal thoughts, and respond there. And remember, you are not alone.
Rhonda, you will be blessed for sticking by Toby thru the thick and thin and trying to understand him! And Seroquel is a godsend! Malou, meds are a pain, but thank God that you don't have to keep switching medications to find the one that works the best and puts you on such a high that you think it's working and it's really not. If I knew the medication that I have now will keep working, I would take it as often as I needed to. Take the bad with the good!
bipolarprincess.blogspot.com
Co--
What you describe can be a part of bipolar disorder, but can also describe regular depression as well, and also is general to many other disorders. If you could be more specific about your symptoms? Or perhaps go back to bipolar central and read some of the articles on bipolar disorder, it might answer your questions better?
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