To Tell or Not To Tell
Y'all are gonna love this! I actually went on a date. Yeah, me! First time in over two years. Let me tell you about it. Ok, confession time first. Now, don't laugh. Promise? Ok. I signed up on a telephone Date Line. Aw, see? There you go laughing. I knew you would (chuckle). Well, really, where else am I going to meet Prince Charming? I don't drink or go to bars. I certainly don't want to date someone from my bipolar support group--it's bad enough trying to live with myself! At church? Yeah, well, I thought of that. So I went. But all the good guys my age are married. The supermarket? Right. The checkout clerks do flirt with me, and that does flatter me, but after all, being 47, even if I were going to date a younger man, don't you think 18 is a bit *too* young? LOL So where does that leave me? (I'm open to suggestions).
Just as I was beginning to think that all the good guys were already taken...my neighbor across the street had a yard sale. Being the yard sale addict that I am (yes, I admit it--My name is Michele, and I am a yard sale addict), of course I had to go over. I met her, and spent the next couple hours visiting with her. So, in the course of the conversation, and her asking why she never sees a man over at my place (oh, how pathetic!), I tell her that I have been alone for over two years, that it is just me and my son. Then, of course the drama queen in me comes out, and I say (picture back of hand across my forehead here), "Oh, I am so lonely..."
So she (her name is Tammy, by the way)...Tammy proceeds to tell me about this Date Line she has been on, and how she has been talking to some very nice men on it. Now I am rattled (which is a nice way of saying p'd off)--and I say to her, "What are *you* doing on a Date Line? You already have a husband, a good man, who works hard, loves you, treats you like gold! You are using up a space in the dating world that one of us single woman should have! That's not fair! It's like having your cake and eating it too, when all I want is just a nibble!" I mean, I didn't mean to bite her head off or anything, but it just didn't seem right, ya know? So she was explaining that her husband is off working all the time, and how she is so lonely and bored during the day and how all she does is "chat" with these guys--it's all so innocent. (Here I'm thinking, "Uh, yeah, right...just lend me one of them, will ya?")
So I confess my envy to her, and tell her the it's-not-fair-you-are-taking-up-a-single-woman's-place thing...and she says, "Well, do *you* want to meet a nice guy?" Ok, so now it's put up or shut up time, and I get nervous, but stammer out some kind of affirmative reply. So she calls this guy, tells him about me, and we make arrangements for me and Tammy to meet him that night. So I spend the rest of the day going from one extreme to the other in my mind, not knowing until the very last minute whether I will actually go or not.
Ok, I went. Nervous as a teenager, but I went. His name is Robert. And he really seems like a nice guy. And yes, we do hit it off, and it looks like we are going to see each other again. But now I have to decide, do I tell him I have bipolar or not?
TO BE CONTINUED...
posted by Michele @ 8:10 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Michelle, I tend to have lost my inner voice so I blab to everyone that I am bi-polar. It helps me save time. When someone knows up-front I find that they will either start to avoid me altogether (which has only happened one time) Or start to ask questions. The people who start to ask questions are usually very curious. They often find themselves relating in some way. It is a fine line that we walk who survive this affliction on a daily basis. It must be very frightening to have to make this decision. (I think that I would be scared to tell him if I was really interested in him, In fact I knew a man for 8 years as a friend and never told him because I was afraid - when I did tell him he told me that he respected me tremendously because he has seen me fight to stay balanced. He knew without me telling him. I say all this to say, It is something that you need to pray about, or meditate, reflect, or whatever means you use to make big life altering decisions. I personally would tell him after a few dates - because then you have had a little while to get to know him as a person, Some of the new dating facade may have worn off and the real person is starting to emerge. Honesty is key to starting and remaining in a healthy relationship. I will say a prayer for your happiness. I wish you the best. Please visit me on my Blog when you have a change it's called : Onbeingbipolar
It is also new, You have inspired me to share my experience with others and I have had more email- than people posting. Sending you hugs and long distance support in whatever you decide.
Michele,
Being mostly manic, I meet many men, whether it is a good idea or not I don't know. From my experience, you need to wait and see if he is even worthy of you first before you tell him. Is it worth it to tell him one of the most important, scary, personal things about you when you don't know his deepest darkest secret? Give him a chance to see how you are first, see you when you are normal, see how you handle stress. Then, slowly, if he is around when it's medicine time, don't hide it. You have a hard time handling stress. If he is truly interested he will ask you to elaborate. Trust me, when you tell him, you will have to tell him EVERYTHING because (and no offense guys) you have to explain it like they are 5 years old. My last serious relationship, when I finally told him, he didn't ask any questions. When he happened to find out on the internet by accident that it is genetic, he freaked out and dumped me. This was not a fact I was hiding, and I had even told him others in my family had it. He didn't think to ask me when I explained it to him. Find out what aspects of your illness he is going to have the most problems with, will be the most important to him, so that you can make sure to explain that to him. I'm not saying to hide it, if it comes up, tell him. But if it doesn't, wait until you are comfortable with him to tell him the most important thing about you. Become friends first. I don't tell my new friends right away, why would I tell a man I just met?
bipolarprincess.blogspot.com
Sandi,
I couldn't find your blog, is that correct, Onbeingbipolar.blogspot.com?
Michelle, I apologoioize... The name of my blog is: http://www.mybipolarfriends.blogspot.com/
it is now called Peculiar is as peculiar does.
Post a Comment
<< Home