Suicidal Thoughts

I was so pleased when I checked the blog today and saw how many of you responded to each other's comments, each helping the other. That is exactly what I had hoped would happen. First, let me clear up a few things. Many have asked where they can read the Manic Episode article. Go to bipolarcentral.com, click on articles, then my corner, and click on the article. That is part one. Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging, part 2 will be the depressed cycle, and part 3 will be stabilization.

Second, so many of you are bringing up the suicide topic. Of course, I sorta opened up that can of words by mentioning about my sister having killed herself in April, but it does seem to be on so many of your minds (and even on my own last week during my depressed cycle) that it causes concern. So much, in fact, that very shortly I will be writing an article on that very subject. So if you have something to share on that, feel free to do it here. We don't judge each other, especially since during our depressed cycles, many of us have had suicidal thoughts, and were afraid to share them with our loved ones. Some have even attempted it during an episode, including myself. But there is a huge difference between having suicidal ideologies, and actually committing the act.

For those who are having those impulses now, I beg of you to postpone your decision. Give it one more day. "Never give up before the miracle happens," I believe. Who knows, your miracle may be right around the corner! Think about this thought as well--Bipolar Disorder is a mental illness that lies to you by telling you that you do not have the disorder, or worse yet, that you are crazy and that you will never get better, or be normal. But the truth is, you have been in this dark place before, and you came out of it. You WILL come out of it again.

One of my mind's favorite tricks to play on me while in an episode is for me to think, I don't really want to kill myself. I just want to be dead. I'm too chicken to do it myself, but I wish someone else would do it for me. You know, the old "hit by a bus" fantasy, or the car accident fantasy, or the "just go away cuz no one would care anyway" thinking. But friends, these are all LIES that our minds tell us during an episode. They are not true.

Those who are not in an episode right now, please reach out to those who are--tell them your experiences with suicidal thoughts. Because by the very notion that you are alive today to share your experience means that you chose life, that you did not give up or give in, that you got through that episode! Share your experience, strength, and hope with them-- show them that they, too, can get through it, no matter how dark it seems right now. They may be thinking there is no one in the world who cares about them right now. We need to show them that they are not alone--that we are each other's life preservers! We can give each other hope.

Because we are not just people with bipolar disorder. We are bipolar SURVIVORS!!! We have not let our suicidal thoughts while in our episodes win out and get the best of us. We have won out over our own thoughts, over our own minds, over our own episodes, and we have come out on the other side. We have won! And if we can do it, so can you!

If you are still thinking of suicide, please, please, call a suicide hotline. Get help. Tell someone. Post on here. But whatever you do, reach out to someone. The lie is that no one cares about you. The truth is that someone does. We do. And we are pulling for you. We have been there, and we do know how you feel. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Remember one last thing, please. SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM.